What the Eff, America? Ed Hardy Edition

Take a good look at this picture on the right there. This is Jon Gosselin who, along with Spencer Pratt, currently co-chairs the Douchebag of America Society. This picture perfectly encapsulates my feelings on this newest trend of idiocy in American society.

This whole Ed Hardy fashion thing is really just very stupid. I mean, it's a tattoo artist whose designs were co-opted by the same gie who made the Von Dutch brand a flash in the pan trend and put on t-shirts and sweatshirts and so on and so forth and sold to the masses at ridiculous prices. And then the masses were like, well, I don't have a big ass tattoo of an eagle on my chest because if I did that it would be mad weird, but I want to appear as if I have a big eagle tattoo on my chest and as if I always show it off except in like another 6 months when it's no longer cool to have all these shirts that look like I have tattoos all over myself or shoes or sweatshirts or handbags or anything then I'll just have a bunch of dishrags with eagles and dragons and skulls and tigers growling on them that cost me $40 each; well, it was fun while it lasted and when I look back at pictures of myself at this time I'll wonder what the hell I was thinking, kindof like that Flock of Seagulls thing back in the '80s.

I mean, tattooing to this extent is really a subculture of people who are really dedicated the whole idea of body as art and the beauty of the designs and such. Also if you get tattoos like that then you know going in that you have to live with them forever. When you get an Ed Hardy t-shirt, you violate everything that that particular subculture stands for. Did I forget to mention that all of these t-shirts and such are really ugly? You look like a fucking idiot walking down the street in these ridiculous clothes and its made worse because you think you look cool. Do these gies look cool? Answer me!

I Never Thought I'd See This Again

Does everyone remember back in the day, circa 1990, when the coolest thing going was the hi top fade? You all remember the high top fade, right? If not, here's the most famous hi top fade ever.

This, of course, is the famous duo, Kid N Play. Kid, on the left, rocked the quintessential box cut and if he's famous for anything else, then I don't know what it is. My man Play, on the right, rocked a far more standard box cut with a bit of a Gumby rolled in.

Here's some other fine examples of great box cuts:


It didn't seem like it at the time, but this is a pretty stupid haircut. I mean, by and large, it's just funny looking on most people. Add to that the various designs and permutations that people made to it, think Bobby Brown circa Humpin' Around, and it's clear that this was a style that had gotten way out of hand.



Also I think this style suffered from the fact that white people were also in the midst of really bad hairstyles and blatant overdoing in their cuts as well. It was a worldwide phenomenon. The pre-Clinton era was just a bad time for hair around the world. Exhibit A:

This is too awesome not to be real.

Anyway, I'm not making this up, the hi top fade is on the comeback. There are several kids in the high school I work in rocking the box cut today as we speak. I thought I had gotten my fill of making fun of kids with box cuts in 1993, but I was wrong. It's just as fun today to make fun of kids with the box/fade.

I think this current woebegotten trend started itself with the arrival of one Brandon Jennings on the scene. Brandon Jennings is known for two things: The first is that he's the kid who was the number 1 ranked high school basketball player who opted to play professionally in Europe rather than go to college for a year. The second is that in high school he rocked a box with fade. Seriously.


Since I've started teaching high school there have been several trends that have boggled my mind - wearing 3XL solid colored t-shirts, chicken noodle soup (with the soda on the side), having babies (which I was once told was "in style"), and so forth - but this box with fade trend coming back is the one that I really just wouldn't believe unless I had seen it with my own two eyes.