Thursday, January 12, 2012

Herm Edwards would like you to know that Tim Tebow is, in fact, a football player

This morning, in what I think is the first time ESPN has discussed Tim Tebow, Herm Edwards defended him against absolutely zero criticism whatsoever by saying this:

"You know what you respect? Whether you think he's a great quarterback or not, this guy plays football. And I've played professional football. He's played professional football. [The other guy] plays professional football. You haven't yet, but let me tell you something. This guy, Tim Tebow, he's a football player, and that's what you respect about the guy. Whether he's a great quarterback in the future, I don't know, but one thing about this guy: When he lines up, you know you're playing against a football player."
A big thank-you to YouTuber MrsGuerrasMole for posting that clip because it is maybe the best example yet of that line you sometimes hear during NFL commentary, that so-and-so is a football player (emphasis always added by speaker), as though that were some kind of, I dunno, point. Herm openly admitted he had no idea if Tebow was any good, but he was dead certain that Tebow plays football. That means something. It has meaning. It is a thing that MEANS SOMETHING.

I also love how Herm felt the need to point out to nerdy-nerd host Mike Greenberg that three people at the desk, Herm included, did at one time play professional football while, he, Greenberg, did not. Presumably, that experience makes Herm unusually insightful when it comes to, say, evaluating football players. Herm's actual insight, however, boils down to repeating Tebow's profession, only with emphasis, because that adds special meaning that Herm is sure you'd understand if only you had played in the NFL instead of being such a nerd, you nerd.

Now, this particular stupid football euphemism isn't Herm-specific; usually it's Dan Dierdorf spouting this nonsense, and plenty of other commentators are guilty of it. But man, oh, man, was this one good. It distills it to its essence and, through the magic of repetition, makes it sound sillier and arroganter and Hermier than ever.

I'm not sure if "he's a football player" ranks higher on the stupid football euphemisms list than when someone points out that Team A will probably try to "outscore" Team B, but they're probably 1 and 2. Sort of like how the best rock bands ever are definitely Led Zeppelin and The Beatles -- the order you want to put them in doesn't really matter, as long as you have them in the top two spots.

(And as long as you have Zeppelin at number 1, obviously.)

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