Please To Explain: Masters Coverage

Dear whoever decided this,

You're aware of an invention called television and on this invention they show shows? One of those shows is the Masters golf tournament which is taking place this week. The tournament starts at 8:00 in the morning or some such thing. Tiger Woods tees off at like 2pm. Why in the world is the live covereage only going on ESPN from 4-7pm? ESPN shows more garbage on all their various networks than many other networks put together. Between 2pm and 4pm yesterday all they did was live updates every 5 minutes of every shot Tiger took. Can't you gies just pay a little more money or whatever it would take in order to actually show Tiger's whole round?

And I'm not necessarily just interested in Tiger. I'd like to actually see all the live coverage of as many gies as possible. This really doesn't make any sense to me. I'm sure there are a ton of old retired gies who would sit and watch this all day and you could show your commercials for Viagra and retirement services. There's got to be something that can be done about this.

We're Like Fortune Tellers Or Something

So we all remember when Side Bar made that eerie prediction about Barry Bonds and the home run record (geez, talk about shitting on a national treasure) and how we all thought that was the end of our fortune telling. (Side Note: since in that post he also talked about how he didn't want the Mets to even think about signing Chan Ho Park, what are the odds that Chan Ho has a freaking fabulous season thisyear with the Yankees?) Well, try this one on for size:

Please to enjoy a post from October 7th, 2007, in which Open Bar goes on about how he's gay for Jesper Parnevik (I think that's what it's about). Anyway, here's one of the throw away lines from that post:

"Tiger Woods? I don't hate him (because how can you?), but I'd like to hear the occasional three-hooker-orgy story or something. That's when I'll really like him."

I mean, I guess you could say we all saw that one coming, but come on. That's some good shit right there. I guess Open Bar has a new favorite golfer.

Relatedly, I'm pretty happy that none of us really tried to tackle that Tiger Woods scandal when it happened. As much as all the (other) media outlets wouldn't let that story die, I was tired of it from the beginning. I mean, talk about a non-story. When he comes back to the tour let me know. Until then, let it go. (If the gloves don't fit, you must acquit.)

(Out of curiosity, was the parenthetical other, thus implying that Where's Luke is also a media outlet a) too obtuse? and b) remotely funny?)