If we were gonna spend our time posting all the hysterically funny things in The Onion, then we might as well just put up a mirror site. All their shit is good. I particularly liked their recent piece about a "normal gay teen" who "thought he might be Christian".
But this is one is the best. Their obit to JD Salinger is just goddam perfect (that goddam was for you JD. You're my boy.)
Relatedly, I've read The Catcher in the Rye like 5 times now and it never gets old. I still laugh out loud. And I'm still mesmerized by Salinger's perfect use of irony. And that's irony with it's actual intended meaning, not the synonym for "coincidence" that it has come to mean today.
Showing posts with label death sucks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death sucks. Show all posts
Monday, February 1, 2010
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Obituary: New York Mets, 89 Games
Former Major League Baseball Team
Lets have a moment of silence for the 2009 Mets. They're gone before their time. A sad story really. A few observations.
Carlos Delgado started with a minor injury, he was day to day, then he was DL'ed as a precaution, now he's got a degenerative injury that may threaten his career (PS the Mets knew he had this hip condition when they re-upped his contract). Jose Reyes started with a minor injury, he was day to day, he was DL'ed as a precaution, and now he's got an injury that may threaten his season, Carlos Beltran had a lingering injury, was day to day, was DL'ed as a precaution, and now has an injury that may threaten his career, John Maine was initially DL'ed solely as a precaution with an injury that wasn't too serious, definitely didn't need all 15 days of DL time, but now he has an injury that is threatening his season. Now Gary Sheffield has had a lingering knee issue, has had several cortisone shots, and just last night seems to have seriously injured himself in his, wait for it, knee, except the Mets are saying he's just day to day at this point. Any guesses as to how that will turn out?
Let's not also forget Oliver Perez, JJ Putz, Ryan Church, Alex Cora, and Fernando Martinez have all spent extended periods of time on the DL this season as well.
Another thing. Omar, I'm at a loss as to what's going on with the reserves here. Are you getting some kind of AARP discount rates on hotel stays by having Alex Cora, Gary Sheffield, Fernando Tatis, Tim Redding, Ramon Martinez, and Argenis Reyes on the roster? This is a pattern. Over the past several years the Mets have entered the season with guys like Moises Alou and Marlon Anderson as starting outfielders. In fact, does anyone even remember the last time the Mets had 3 solid outfielders playing every day? Was it 1988?
Omar, for every good move you've made, I can count 3 bad ones that have cancelled that good one out. And these are not things that turned out badly in retrospect. There wasn't anyone except for you who wanted to do things like sign Moises Alou, sign Guillermo Mota, pick up the option on Delgado, and sign Louis Castillo to a fucking 4 year deal when no one else even wanted him and his two different length legs walking all lopsided and shit. And I don't even want to start on the bullpen.
I guess we can't really expect much from a team whose owner isn't even a Mets fan. Have you seen that Rotunda? Does he know that the Dodgers are still in existence?
Lastly, I just want to issue an apology from a Mets fan to Ryan Church. Ryan, I have no idea why the team tried to threaten your life by putting you on a plane the day after your second concussion and go to Denver Colorado, of all places. I don't know why they didn't let you get healthy before trying to put you back on the field. I don't know why they refused to play you every day after you finally did get healthy no thanks to the team. I have no idea why you would be sitting on the bench watching Gary Sheffield and Fernando Tatis run around the outfield like it was a Boca Raton early bird dinner buffet. You got a raw deal, you should have played every day, you could have been a contender. At least you're in a better place now and I wish you well. That's more than I can say for the rest of us who are still stuck with this "baseball team".
Carlos Delgado started with a minor injury, he was day to day, then he was DL'ed as a precaution, now he's got a degenerative injury that may threaten his career (PS the Mets knew he had this hip condition when they re-upped his contract). Jose Reyes started with a minor injury, he was day to day, he was DL'ed as a precaution, and now he's got an injury that may threaten his season, Carlos Beltran had a lingering injury, was day to day, was DL'ed as a precaution, and now has an injury that may threaten his career, John Maine was initially DL'ed solely as a precaution with an injury that wasn't too serious, definitely didn't need all 15 days of DL time, but now he has an injury that is threatening his season. Now Gary Sheffield has had a lingering knee issue, has had several cortisone shots, and just last night seems to have seriously injured himself in his, wait for it, knee, except the Mets are saying he's just day to day at this point. Any guesses as to how that will turn out?
Let's not also forget Oliver Perez, JJ Putz, Ryan Church, Alex Cora, and Fernando Martinez have all spent extended periods of time on the DL this season as well.
Another thing. Omar, I'm at a loss as to what's going on with the reserves here. Are you getting some kind of AARP discount rates on hotel stays by having Alex Cora, Gary Sheffield, Fernando Tatis, Tim Redding, Ramon Martinez, and Argenis Reyes on the roster? This is a pattern. Over the past several years the Mets have entered the season with guys like Moises Alou and Marlon Anderson as starting outfielders. In fact, does anyone even remember the last time the Mets had 3 solid outfielders playing every day? Was it 1988?
Omar, for every good move you've made, I can count 3 bad ones that have cancelled that good one out. And these are not things that turned out badly in retrospect. There wasn't anyone except for you who wanted to do things like sign Moises Alou, sign Guillermo Mota, pick up the option on Delgado, and sign Louis Castillo to a fucking 4 year deal when no one else even wanted him and his two different length legs walking all lopsided and shit. And I don't even want to start on the bullpen.
I guess we can't really expect much from a team whose owner isn't even a Mets fan. Have you seen that Rotunda? Does he know that the Dodgers are still in existence?
Lastly, I just want to issue an apology from a Mets fan to Ryan Church. Ryan, I have no idea why the team tried to threaten your life by putting you on a plane the day after your second concussion and go to Denver Colorado, of all places. I don't know why they didn't let you get healthy before trying to put you back on the field. I don't know why they refused to play you every day after you finally did get healthy no thanks to the team. I have no idea why you would be sitting on the bench watching Gary Sheffield and Fernando Tatis run around the outfield like it was a Boca Raton early bird dinner buffet. You got a raw deal, you should have played every day, you could have been a contender. At least you're in a better place now and I wish you well. That's more than I can say for the rest of us who are still stuck with this "baseball team".
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Michael Jackson Died
I don't want to get into a big long thing. It just struck me as I was watching coverage of the death of Michael Jackson that I'm old enough to remember the mid 1980s when Michael Jackson was unquestionably the single coolest person on the planet and also the more recent years when he was undeniably the single weirdest person on the planet.
In looking back on his life, I just can't help but feel anything but sad for him. I'm struck that the coverage of his death, along with many of the more recent reports on him, really say nothing about what was clearly a ridiculous amount of psychological, physical, and emotional abuse that was inflicted on him as a child and an adolescent. I'm not trying to excuse him from whatever he may have been accused of, but just look at his behavior even outside of those allegations. He clearly never came to terms with all that abuse, and I'm sure that being the most talented Jackson also meant that he received the most abuse.
In the end, all I really want to say is that I love his music. And now that he's gone and not acting like a...well, there aren't even words, but maybe we can just remember the music.
In looking back on his life, I just can't help but feel anything but sad for him. I'm struck that the coverage of his death, along with many of the more recent reports on him, really say nothing about what was clearly a ridiculous amount of psychological, physical, and emotional abuse that was inflicted on him as a child and an adolescent. I'm not trying to excuse him from whatever he may have been accused of, but just look at his behavior even outside of those allegations. He clearly never came to terms with all that abuse, and I'm sure that being the most talented Jackson also meant that he received the most abuse.
In the end, all I really want to say is that I love his music. And now that he's gone and not acting like a...well, there aren't even words, but maybe we can just remember the music.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Tim Russert died
We here at Where's Luke? are all weekly watchers of Meet the Press. It was, without a doubt, the can't-miss program on politics. (Okay, Daily Show too.)
I've read a bunch of different reactions, but I think it's gonna be hard to top Ezra Klein's:
"Whatever my issues with Russert's coverage, he was there, week after week, night after night, playing the bulldog against politicians in the way he thought best. It was quite a commitment to American politics, and over the years, gave rise to some remarkable moments. Because I think folks should be remembered for their best work, here's a transcript of his September 2002 interview with Dick Cheney. If the press had been as skeptical and aggressive in the run-up to the war as Russert was on that morning, sitting next to the vice president, we never would have invaded Iraq. But for now, it's going to be strange indeed to turn on the TV on Sundays and not hear his voice. Presumably, he's up somewhere beyond the cloudline, hectoring God about His inconsistencies. 'But Lord, in Exodus 6:12, you clearly said...'"I'd also like to think that upon meeting up with Jesus, Tim breaks out the trusty old white board and scribbled some numbers down, explaining, "In the ongoing contest for souls, I think Satan has some weaknesses in these demographics..."
Okay, that wasn't nearly as good as Ezra's, but I had to get the white-board thing in there.
Also (and I know this is way too soon, but it's the blogosphere and this is some cutthroat shit) I'd like to be the first to recommend Chuck Todd for the next host of Meet the Press. If you saw the interview with Chuck shortly after Tim died, you could see clearly that he had been balling his eyes out. He was a big fan of Tim, and I'm sure if anyone could sit in that chair and be a worthy successor, it'd be Chuck Todd.
[The following stuff I added later, some sentimental stuff, so feel free to stop reading now.]
I know none of this was all that profound or anything, just sort of a gut reaction. I'll leave it to the other guys here to write something with a bit more perspective. But I just wanted to add one or two more things.
In all sincerity, it's particularly tragic that he died two days before Father's Day. From all accounts, he was an amazing father. He also wrote a book about his dad, Big Russ. He had just returned from a vacation with his family to celebrate his son's graduation from Boston College.
Regardless of whether you thought he was a crappy interviewer or was more influential than he deserved to be, he did ultimately seem like a decent guy in a field full of the total opposite. He was fair with people, he let them talk -- both of which are rare, both in politics and in life. (I warned you about the sentimental stuff.)
It's not a perfect comparison, but it kinda reminds me of when Heath Ledger suddenly dropped dead. One of my first thoughts was, Why him? Of all the people in that field who are just total douchebags, this one seemed like an okay guy.
Eh, who knows. As it says in the tag, death sucks.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Sorry
I know I've said some mean things about the St. Louis Cardinals over the years, but I really didn't think anyone upstairs was listening. Hey God -- you can stop offing these guys now, I didn't mean for you to take what I've been saying literally. (Though when I ask you to send George Steinbrenner straight to hell, yeah, you can go right ahead with that.)
As you've likely heard, Cardinals reliever Josh Hancock died in a car crash on Sunday. This comes not too long after the Cardinals' staff lost another young arm, Darryl Kile, back in 2002. The details are still coming out about what actually happened to Hancock -- was he driving drunk? did he really come to Thursday's game late because he was way hungover? -- and I even heard that Where's Luke's favorite ballplayer, Scott Spiezio, took himself out of last night's lineup because he was too emotionally distressed to play. So we'll just wait and see before anyone comes to any sort of conclusions here.
But two young pitchers in five years? Damn, that's tough on a franchise and its fans, not to mention the players. I mean, you're a young guy playing the game you've dreamed of playing, along with your other buddies on the team, and then one day you come into work and that guy in the bullpen -- even though you didn't really know him that well -- isn't gonna be there anymore, ever. To have to cope with that twice in such a short span, I mean damn...
Anyway, I was looking around and I found a post by The Dugout that handles this incident as well as I think it can be at this point. The site is basically set up as an Internet chat room, so if you're familiar with how those work this will make perfect sense. If not, you'll pick it up because you're smart and tall and above-average-looking, just like me, which is all that really counts.
As you've likely heard, Cardinals reliever Josh Hancock died in a car crash on Sunday. This comes not too long after the Cardinals' staff lost another young arm, Darryl Kile, back in 2002. The details are still coming out about what actually happened to Hancock -- was he driving drunk? did he really come to Thursday's game late because he was way hungover? -- and I even heard that Where's Luke's favorite ballplayer, Scott Spiezio, took himself out of last night's lineup because he was too emotionally distressed to play. So we'll just wait and see before anyone comes to any sort of conclusions here.
But two young pitchers in five years? Damn, that's tough on a franchise and its fans, not to mention the players. I mean, you're a young guy playing the game you've dreamed of playing, along with your other buddies on the team, and then one day you come into work and that guy in the bullpen -- even though you didn't really know him that well -- isn't gonna be there anymore, ever. To have to cope with that twice in such a short span, I mean damn...
Anyway, I was looking around and I found a post by The Dugout that handles this incident as well as I think it can be at this point. The site is basically set up as an Internet chat room, so if you're familiar with how those work this will make perfect sense. If not, you'll pick it up because you're smart and tall and above-average-looking, just like me, which is all that really counts.
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