I'm A Quitter

I guess all of us have vices. Some of us like to smoke or others may like to drink or do crack or whatever. Does one "do" crack? I suppose one smokes crack. Anyhow. I am a pansy and so I do not have a good vice. I do, however, have a propensity to do some things that, all else being equal, I'd rather not do. In that vein, there are three things in my life that I have managed to leave behind in recent days (Edwina, had a feeling....but it wasn't until recent days...sorry...You know, an explanation of this whole sordid mess would make a pretty good blog post). Two of them were easy, the third was not.

The simple ones. I have lamented in the past on this blog about how somehow, in spite of myself and my better judgement, I was an avid watcher of Grey's Anatomy and similarly a watcher of American Idol. I am proud to report that I have quit both of those shows. If you add this to the time I quit 24, then I've really been paring down my TV watching. I think the only new shows I've picked up recently have been Modern Family (which is awesome) and Parenthood (which is really really really good). I have to say I don't miss American Idol even a little bit. Also once I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy I didn't really see a need to start again. I happened to miss an episode and decided to take advantage of that and just make a clean break. Both of these, no big whoop, but I'm happier because of them.

On to the tough one. If you know me, then you that it's sortof a big deal that I have quit McDonald's. The last time I had McDonald's was on July 22 of 2009. I know the date because it was my birthday. (Full disclosure: I go to the McD's drive through at like 6:15am once or twice a week and get coffee. Only coffee. I do not consider this cheating.) The reason I quit was because I realized that I was just making deals with myself relative to my McDonald's consumption and I wasn't actually doing myself any good. I had struck a deal where I was going to limit myself to McD's once a month only. That would turn into once a month and also if I was in a real hurry somewhere or if it was already late and no one wanted to cook or some other reason why it's so much easier to eat McD's than anything else.

Here's the thing. I can count the number of times I've been to Burger King and Wendy's combined since 2000 on my fingers, but my relationship with McD's is different. I have an odd psychological relationship with McD's that is somewhat difficult to explain. I know that it's bad for me and everything like that, but I love it. Not like, "Yeah, I love that movie", more like "You love him and you wanna have like 10,000 of his babies." (what movie?) I have, in prior blog iterations, lamented the fact that I needed to let McDonald's go, but found it hard. (That post has the same title as Where's Luke's most famous post. I didn't realize that until just now. Also, I should update that post, as I, in fact, have even more Adidas now.) That post also sheds some light into the McDonald's sign that adorns this post. (Also, interestingly, that post reads fairly similarly to this one, despite the fact that I didn't even really remember writing it until I was looking for the image of the sign.) Whatever genius was in charge of the McD's marketing in the late '80s got into my brain and planted a seed of love from which I have never fully recovered.

So with that being said, after I ate McD's on my birthday last year, I decided that would be my last time. Not for a month or anything, but forever. Here's what I've learned since then. McDonald's is ubiquitous in American culture. If I had a dollar every time I drove past a McD's, I'd be rich, as would everyone else in America. The other thing I've learned is that quitting McD's is both easy and hard. Literally every time I drive past one I think to myself, "Wow, I love McDonald's." But at the same time I'm never actually tempted to stop. There have been many times in the last few months where I definitely would have gone to McD's if I hadn't decided to just quit altogether. And that is precisely why I quit. If the option is just off the table, then there are no deals to make with myself. Now I'm not comparing this to quitting smoking or anything, but I will say that I do understand the notion of psychological addiction.

Also, to be filed under "correlation does not imply causation", since July 22 of 2009, I have lost around 20 pounds. The McD's thing is obviously part of it, but that decision was part of a larger decision to just eat better in general. And the best way to do that was to just cut out those trips to McD's. That's not to say that I've only eaten healthy things for the last few months, but mostly (He's only mostly dead). The few times where I felt like I simply had to have something decadent I have gone to a diner or to 5 Guys (not really any better than McD's, I know) and gotten a cheeseburger or some such thing. But I don't really see those as loopholes because I don't have a specific relationship with those places like I do with McD's. And also those times are much more infrequent now.

Let's Get Ready To Thimble!!

After a hiatus of way too long, Project Runway is finally back tonight. Don't forget that it switched to the Lifetime channel, so you have to watch it there. If you've seen this show, then I know you love it, so that's all I have to say. If you've never seen this show then you're just assuming it's a wack show and that it's way too gay for you to like, but you're wrong. This is the best reality show on television by a long shot. And if you combine with this fabulosity the fact that Top Chef premiered last night on the Bravo channel (and I know Mrs. Side Bar was glued), it's a great week for reality television. Top Chef is a comfortable second in reality show standings. And just in case you're still thinking, "I can't watch these shows, they're way too gay," let me just point out that these two shows are hosted by conceivably the two hottest women on the planet, Heidi Klum and Padma Lakshmi.

You're Either In, Or Your Out...Auf Wiedersehen

I know this is an issue that is (not) close to the hearts of my co-writers. I have long been a fan of Project Runway. The first five seasons were aired on the Bravo network, which is, quite frankly, the perfect network for it to air on. I don't know at what point Bravo decided it was the home of this very specific type of reality show, but it clearly is. I'm fairly confident that the rise of Bravo is intertwined with the rise of Project Runway and Bravo wouldn't be nearly as successful without it.

That being said, Project Runway is not going to be on Bravo anymore. Instead of just letting it go, NBC (which owns Bravo) is suing the Weinstein Company claiming that it had a right to refuse the show before Weinstein shopped it elsewhere. That elsewhere, incidentally, is the Lifetime Network, which I'm not really sure how to feel about. I mean, I can't be watching "The Projects" and then cut to commercials for movies with Meredith Baxter Birney and Valerie Bertinelli. I could at least front like Bravo is a hip channel when I'm watching it, but there's not such redemption in watching Lifetime.

Anyway, the new season of "The Projects" has already been filmed, with the exception of the finale which has to be shot during fashion week in February, but it will most likely not air for months and months while this lawsuit gets itself played out. This sucks. Project Runway is easily, and I don't say this lightly, easily one of the best shows on television. And I want to be best friends with Tim Gunn.

On a related note, the new season of Top Chef started last week. Top Chef is also a very good show. It's not quite as good as The Projects, if you ask me, but I know that Mrs. Side Bar disagrees with me. Shout out to Mrs. Side Bar.

Who's Next, Liberace?

No Fucking Way.

Top Five Unintentionally Gay Sports Photos*

Steroids have unforeseen consequences . . .

Chubbing up in front of his new receiver, Brady tries ever so casually to cover things up . . .

And stretch, and pull, and thrust, and stretch, and pull and thrust . . .

After finding the stick up his own ass, Coach Coughlin decided to try and shove it up Eli's.

Beltran's Houston teammates found his mole irresistable.

* (that I could find on the internet this morning)

You Know How I Know You're Gay?

First of all, tonight is the night of television I've been looking forward to all summer. The main reason is because of the season premiere of The Office tonight on NBC which is, for my money, the best show on television at the moment. If you're not watching The Office, then you suck (you don't like a lighthouse, you suck). This is irrelevant, mainly, to the rest of the post.

Premiering at the same time tonight, 9/8 central, on ABC is Grey's Anatomy. I can't explain why, but I've seen every episode of this show. And I'm going to watch it tonight, too. After The Office, of course. This show is entirely emasculating, unrealistic, contrived, and downright gay. (Please pardon the homosexual slur. There was a time in my younger days when anything that I deemed below average was labeled as "gay". People tried to convice me that I was being hurtful and I tried to convince them that they were grossly misinformed and that I couldn't care less if one chose to putt from the rough, that it was just a good word that fit a situation. I've since realized that I was the one who was grossly misinformed and I repent the error of my ways back in the day. Given my repentance, you can be assured that my referring to Grey's Anatomy as gay really means that the show is downright gay. If you're wondering whether or not I've just cancelled out the whole explanation with that last sentence there, I may have, but I don't think so. Certainly that's not my intention. Ok, let's move on.)

Grey's Anatomy is not a show that is made for me to enjoy. And, truth be told, at least once an episode something so ridiculous happens that I think to myself, "Why do I watch this show? It's terrible." Yet, still I watch. And I can't stop. I know I'm going to watch it for the forseeable future. Last night was the premiere of the Grey's Anatomy spin off called Private Practice. I watched it intermittently, but I don't think I'm going to be following that one with any sort of interest. It's just not that good. Except the same thing is true of Grey's Anatomy, and still I watch. One of the plot lines of this season is that Meredith (Grey)'s half sister is going to be an intern in the hospital with Meredith, and last season ended with Dr. McDreamy running into her (the sister) at the bar across the street from the hospital and offering to buy her a drink, which is coincidentally how he met Meredith. Seriously, that's the plot line. And I'm still going to watch it.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

There are other shows that I've watched in the past that have not necessarily been up my alley. Open Bar and Diesal Dave teased me endlessly in high school for watching Party of Five. Except that show was at least well written and had fully realized characters and there were people on it that more or less anyone could relate to. It was basically just about teenagers and I was a teenager at the time. I think all of us have watched our fair share of 90210 in our times. I would definitely not win the 90210 trivia contest, so I'm not too concerned about that one (I'll take Evan over anyone else on Earth in 90210 trivia, by the way). Add to that that the other shows that Grey's Anatomy fans watch are shows that I find literally unwatchable. Desperate Housewives, for example, is a show that I've had to turn off after about 5 minutes of viewing on more than one occasion for fear that I might become retarded. I've learned not to even put it on anymore. I never got into the OC, even though a couple people I knew were really into it. You get my point.

Any show that I ever watched with regularity I can defend to some extent, with the exception of Grey's Anatomy. I simply do not understand why I watch. Yet watch I do.