Vinz Clortho and Zuul. In the same room.
The sound you just heard? The simultaneous breaking of millions of Tea Partiers' backs under the weight of the sheer awesome and win that is
(Can your fingers be out of breath? Because mine sure feel that way after typing that.)
Now what did we learn here?
- Politicians tend to fall on the untrustworthy end of the spectrum
- Glenn Beck would totally suck the labia right off the Statue of Liberty
- Glenn also keeps a journal (though I bet off-screen he calls it his diary)
- Glenn and Sarah were the top two Halloween costumes (I couldn't verify this, but perhaps my Google Fu is weak today; it's the kind of thing that sounds reasonable -- after all, there are a looooooot of supercrazy folks out there who think these two are just the tops, you betcha! -- but it came out of Glenn Beck's mouth, so it must be wrong. I mean, I heard Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. I'm supposed to trust his statistics? Not until he produces that girl and proves he didn't rape and kill her.)
- Glenn utters the phrase "radical, revolutionary crazy people" without a hint of irony or self-awareness
- John McCain supported the bank bailouts, aka TARP -- a point which Glenn makes to illustrate what McCain got wrong, why it was so hard to vote for him last fall. Right at the 7:43 mark, listen to how much disdain Glenn conjures when uttering the word "bailout." And the sweet-natured, common-sense conservative Hockey Mom of the Great (Very) White North, the one who spent the start of the interview bemoaning the lack of trustworthiness in Washington politicians, basically nods in agreement. What went unmentioned? BOTH GLENN BECK AND SARAH PALIN SUPPORTED THE BANK BAILOUTS. Man, I absolutely adore these two. It's goddamn spectacular, the things that come out of their mouths!
- At about the 5:37 mark, Glenn tells us about some lists he and Sarah appeared on, one of which was "Most Admired." Now, I believed this instantly because duh, obviously, you guys. I didn't need any sort of proof or anything, despite what I said up there about Glenn and numbers and murdering and raping and stuff. But the good folks at Fox were kind enough to show a graphic of the poll indicating that Glenn and Sarah were, in fact, among the Most Admired Men and Women in the country. Here's what they showed us:
Again, no D-Dubs. And then I was like, waitaminnithere... Can I see those two next to each other, please?
Uh, those numbers, like, aren't the same.
A-ha! The Fox poll is only of independent voters, voting only on political figures. Which makes sense, right? I mean, it's not like either person on screen was recently on the national ticket of one of the two major parties, right? It was nice of Glenn to mention those parameters when he told us how admired they both were. And also, I'm sure it had nothing to do with getting Sarah's name above Hillary Clinton's, or Glenn Beck's over some old black guy's.
Being the industrious little scamp I am, I decided to look a little further into those numbers. Gallup says that it interviewed 1,025 people for this particular survey. And according to Pollster.com, about 38% of Americans identify themselves as Independent. That means about 390 Independents were surveyed. Of those 390, Sarah Palin was voted Most Admired Woman by 14% and Glenn Beck was voted Most Admired Man by a whopping 3%. In other words, 55 people said they really like Sarah and TWELVE whole people said the same about dear Glenn.
Now that is something worth bragging about. Kudos, Beckster.
I don't really know what all this means or why the hell I just spent all this time looking into it, but I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that if those two spent enough time together, they would eventually spawn some Gozer-like thing so full of insanity, we'd all have to deal with a situation requiring one of us to say, "Nobody steps on a church in my town!"
Or, "Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!"
Or something. Oh, and I get to be Venkman. Dibs.
Anyway, hey -- check out this lady dancing!
