Friday Classic Video: Swedish Chef makes hot dogs

The recent onset of the baseball season brings to mind many things. But is there a "baseball cuisine"? It's hard to say, but if there were a baseball cuisine, certainly one item at the top of the list would have to be hot dogs. Like baseball, hot dogs are a purely American creation. I've read somewhere that hot dogs are basically made of pig intestines and other gross stuff, but I don't really care because they taste great. Fuck you, Jules Winfield and your "pigs sleep and root in shit" nonsense, I don't fucking care. I'm with Vincent "Pork chops taste good" Vega, and so are all the baseball fans who enjoy a good frank at the ballgame.

I look forward to scarfing down a good many dogs at Shea this season. And another thing about why hot dogs are awesome? The simplicity in cooking them. You can throw them on the grill and turn them once, and in five minutes they're ready to go. But for whatever reason, I still prefer a boiled hot dog. Every now and then, I buy one from a street vendor, and it always tastes awesome. I'm glad to see the Swedish Chef agrees with the boiling philosophy.



How 'bout that Miss Piggy appearance?

And not to perpetuate an anti-woman stance or anything, but I must honestly say that the funniest thing I saw this week was this little animated GIF called "Cunt Punch." I really don't mean to offend our hordes of women readers by posting this, but I have to say, every time I watch this, I laugh. For any guy who's ever been hit in the balls (and not just by Side Bar), you'll get it. And I'm not saying that women can't get hurt by a random shot to the groin, but if this were to happen to you, it would hurt a lot more if you had testicles.

Anyway. There's no swearing or nudity or anything, so feel free to click here on this link, even if you're at work. (The title is a little off-putting, I imagine, to some of your IT guys, but they're just nerds, so screw them.) Anyway, have a good weekend!

[Cunt Punch first seen on FilmDrunk, which is a funny site!]

Friday Classic Video: Swedish Chef making eggs

I love the Swedish Chef. Definitely my favorite Muppets character. I'm sure I could do something clever like link up something I've cooked recently with a Swedish Chef clip, but I didn't do that here. Though that's a good idea.

Anyway, I'm gonna start posting more frequent Swedish Chef bits because he's so fucking awesome. I might even move to Sweden and live beside a fjord. Hopefully next to Bjergen Kjergen, who was played by the then-hot Drew Barrymore in the esteemed (and way underrated) picture Wayne's World 2. In the following dialogue, you must imagine Drew Barrymore using a terrible Swedish accent in order for the jokes to work. Or you could've just seen the movie and recall it using your brain and memory and stuff. Whatever, Chuck knows what I'm saying:

Wayne: Wow I love your accent, where are you from?
Bjergen Kjergen: I am from Sveden.
Wayne: Oh really? Whereabouts in Sweden?
Bjergen Kjergen: Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords.
Wayne: Well, nice to meet you, Bjergen Kjargen, from Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords. Hmm. Kneurgen, that's in the Klargen Province, near the Biburgen River.
Bjergen Kjergen: Yah hah.
Wayne: Now correct me if I'm wrong. Your annual rainfall varies from about 40 inches in the winter to about 200 inches in the summer, and your chief export is modular furniature. I did a report on Sweden in the eighth grade.
Bjergen Kjergen: Well I am impressed with your quest for knowledge. Educated men are rare.
Wayne: It was really hard, I stayed all night on it. Then the next day, in gym class I was on the minitramp and I got diarrhea. I really wish I hadn't told you that.

Anyway, if you don't like the Swedish Chef, you probably like to torture puppies or something, so I'm not all that worried. The cops are on to you, asshole. Your therapist snitched.

In this particular clip, the Swedish Chef simply wants to make some eggs, but this goddamn chicken is PMS-ing or something and gives him a hard time. Fucking chickens, man. Something's gotta be done.