Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The more things change . . .

. . . the more they stay the same. Overheard at our apartment this evening:

Me: "Honey, did you get me vodka when you went out?"

Mrs. SB: "Yes, it's in the stroller."

Me: "Thanks."

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Facebook Cards

It's going to be less effective to write this post without using anyone's real name, but I guess you'll have to use your imagination.

LJT and I have been chatting recently about how collecting Facebook friends is a lot like collecting baseball cards. Within this circle of authors, excluding, of course, Side Bar, who hates Facebook, everyone has the Walt Clyde Frazier card the WinIt card and so forth. These gies are like having a Bobby Meacham or a Kevin Elster, no big whoop. But then when you go out and get one of the more random people in your network the joy is akin to getting a great card. And there's different levels, too.

Getting the guy who you had a bunch of classes with in high school and were friendly with but, for whatever reason, you just don't keep in touch through normal communication channels is an ok Facebook card. For purposes of this blog, let's say Yankel since he's a cool guy with a recognizable nickname. A Howard Johnson or something. On the same token, getting a good friend of a friend is no big deal. One of the Hollywoods, say. On the other hand, there are the amazing Facebook cards.

Getting the girl, for example, who you went to elementary school with, but who moved away in middle school would be a great get. The dude who went to your high school and played on the basketball team and was a couple years older than you would be a great get. You get the idea. In order to be a great Facebook card the person has to be either really obscure, someone who you wouldn't necessarily immediately equate with having the ability to use a computer for anything useful, or maybe way cooler than you but still willing to be your Facebook friend (not necessarily an issue for some Facebook users), or just a rare get for some other similar reason.

All of my recent Facebook activity has generally been geared toward acquiring good Facebook cards. And then once you acquire them you get to find out what all those people are up to, which is genuinely interesting, despite Side Bar's argument to the contrary.

On a related note, what do you think is the appropriate scale for the ratio of Facebook friends to actual friends? I, for example, have like 275 Facebook friends, and probably like 9 real life friends, three of whom are authors of this blog, and one of whom is my wife. (Think about the phrase "one of whom" for a moment. Isn't it strange? No, I'm not stoned.) That's like a ratio of 30 Facebook friends for every real life friend. My ratio is probably a little high. I wonder what the average Facebook:Real Life ratio is.

Someone Nerdier Than I Am

If you get this "joke", then understand that the reason I post it is just to get it out there that someone actually did this. On my way home today, I saw a car with a license plate that read:


Friday, May 15, 2009

Welcome To Earth

Big ups to Mini Bar for getting born. Happy birthday...literally.

I'm happy about the baby, but another reason to post this was because I was tired of seeing my fat face up here every time I loaded the blog. Hopefully this will remedy that situation.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Take That, CitiField

I went to the Mets v. Pirates last night with my buddy, Sushi Bar. (This is a bad fake name because he's Chinese and not Japanese. But since it would be funny if he were Japanese and since I can't think of a better fake name, I'll go with this one.) Anyway, Open Bar and Side Bar discovered the shirt, so they deserve a finders' fee, but I must say, the shirt went over very well. Many comments from many strangers. And apparently, yes, I am that fat now, though I did have three shirts on.

Best thing about CitiField is that I sat in "my seat" for one inning and watched the rest of the game from various points throughout the stadium. I found two or three spots that offer a really great view of the action and are not yet that crowded, including one on the Pepsi Porch, but a little out of the way. Also we walked around and found the old home run apple, which is stored out in right field behind the bullpens. Incidentally, you can see the visiting pitchers warming up and it's separated by only a fence. I say we all go to the Cubs game and yell at Aaron Heilman.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Side Bar Defense -- Caught on Film!

Some of us remember seeing the renowned "Side Bar Defense" in action when we were younger. Some of you may have seen a brief demo during LJT's Best Man speech at SB's wedding. For those of you somehow completely unfamiliar with it, what happens is that when someone (say, your older brother?) starts attacking you, your best maneuver is to get down on the ground and keep your feet and legs between your face and your opponent.

In other words, something like this: (skip to about the 3:50 mark)

Possibly One of the Worst Things Ever?

No, it's not, I just wanted some symmetry with LJT's post. But still, as a baseball fan who believed (and still does) that there are a handful of legitimate superstars who are totally clean, finding out that Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games for using a banned substance is disappointing to say the least.

And the weirdest thing about the story is that apparently the substance he used was a woman's fertility drug.

I guess it's just Manny being Tranny.

Possibly One Of The Greatest Things Ever?

According to this article in today's New York Times sports section, Cablevision has said that it would "explore the spinoff of its Madison Square Garden busines."

This would be the greatest thing ever. Better than the the wheel and fire: making it number two of greatest things ever. Internet porn would retain it's top spot, however. I mean, I would be willing to sell Open Bar as a slave to Ethiopian pirates to facilitate this happening.

Alas, the article goes on to point at that sometimes spinoffs are sold off entirely but sometimes they are held onto as subsidiaries of the parent company.

One random fuckhead, Craig Moffet who is a senior analyst at Bernstein and Lick-My-Balls Research thinks that "the notion that the Dolans would retain ownership of MSG and the New York sports teams long after the rest of the assets had been divested has always been view as among the most likely outcomes".

Fuck you, Craig.

Charles "I Am Cool Because I Have A Band" Dolan should be hung, Saddam Hussein style for what he has done to our beloved Knicks and his father should be burned alive for giving life to that troll.

So just to sum up, Cablevision may or may not sell the Knicks.

Probably not.

But, good God, I hope they do.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Natalie Portman's dog has a small dick

I must say, I don't think I've ever strung those words together before.

Anyway, get your laugh muscles loosened up and watch my future wife and Zack Galifinakis (sp?) on Between Two Ferns. Throwing up videos is classic mail-it-in blogging, but since no one's writing in suggesting topics lately, this is what you get. I remember when WheresLuke@gmail.com used to get flooded with "Write about Jodie Foster fighting a plate of sausages" and "Do something on the merits of microwavable popcorn." Ah, 2002. Wow, this intro really went nowhere, did it. Oh look! A quarter!

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Sun Will Come Out, Tomor - Um......Never? (Bonus: Classic Video)

What the Fuck?

I can't remember seeing such a horrendous 10 day forecast.

Rain, rain, rain, cloudy, rain, rain, rain, cloudy, rain, cloudy.

Have a great weekend!

(I had to add this on too. We've had a Dogs Raping Children tag for a while. I am pleased to add Dogs Raping Grandmothers to that. Hee-hee!)