The Dumbass Award for Lazy Writing goes to ... Joe Ward!

... for his article entitled "Moving Home Plate Could Help Mets."

(This is a quick response to the article Chuck posted below, which was gonna be a comment, then became a commmmmmmment, then grew legs and walked on over to the New Post nursery, and Poof! Here it is, a brand new post! They grow up so fast…)

It's an interesting idea, this whole Mets-can’t-hit-home-runs-so-let’s-shrink-Citi-Field thing, but the author leaves out some glaring, rather obvious information.

For example, he says:

"The Mets have the fewest home runs at home of any team in the majors this season, with 47, and also have the fewest home runs over all, with 93."

Using calculus, I deduced that the Mets have therefore hit 46 home runs when not playing at Citi Field. Which, if I understand word meanings correctly, is fewer than they hit at Citi Field. Which doesn’t seem to support the idea that Citi Field is the problem.

Aside from home runs, let’s take a look at the Mets’ overall home/away power numbers this year:

Doubles
Home: 135
Away: 151

Triples
Home: 29
Away: 17

Slugging percentage:
Home: .402
Away: .381

Now while those numbers (including homers) are all god-awful sucky bad, it’s actually quite clear that the Mets – if anything – have more power at Citi Field than away from it, though admittedly it’s very close.

Also, regarding David Wright, he writes:

"...the Mets, and particularly, David Wright, have struggled to hit home runs at home." [Ed. Note: Awful usage of commas there, too.]

David Wright 2009 home runs:

Home: 5
Away: 5
Which: the same

(And regarding the Mets as a team struggling to hit home runs at home, please see above where the Mets hit more home runs at home than not at home.)

Look, the Mets fucking suck. They can’t hit for shit, that’s obvious. But you really can’t say Citi Field is the problem when they actually hit better there than not there. The problem is that they can’t hit anywhere.

Finally, the article's headline, "Moving Home Plate Could Help Mets" is also just...ugh. How is moving the plate 10 feet closer supposed to help the Mets? Wouldn’t it help their opponents equally and, therefore, actually help nobody? (And yes, I realize Joe Ward probably didn't write the headline. Nevertheless, it's a good summation of his article, so I still win.)

Rather than Citi Field, here is an off-the-top-of-my-head list of things genuinely wrong with the Mets that should be fixed/traded/released/fired/sacrificed to the Mayan God of Round Trippers (Pujolsia) in an unholy ritual involving testicle removal and mouth-shitting:

1. All of the players
2. All of the coaching staff
3. All of the front office
4. The cast and creative team of “Entourage” (the Mayan thing)