An Actual Funny Joke

The last joke I posted was not too funny (except that I thought it was). This current joke, however, is very funny.

Jake is about to chip onto the green at his local golf course when a long funeral procession passes by. He stops in mid swing, doffs his cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer. His playing companion is deeply impressed. "That's the most thoughtful and touching thing I've ever seen," he says. Jake replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

The Drop That Follows The Catch

After missing the first six weeks of the season recovering from knee surgery, David Tyree was placed on injured reserve on Wednesday, effectively ending his season. Tyree's future with the Giants - who have an embarrassment of riches of sorts at the wide receiver position - is far from certain.

If Tyree can make it back next season, he will have millions of local fans rooting for him every step of the way. If not, he will be remembered for one of the singular, defining moments in the history of New York sports.

Good luck, David.

And to you, my dear, good night.

I have tried to steer clear of gloating -- I have many friends who genuinely wanted John McCain to win the election for what (in my opinion, at least) are valid reasons. But I cannot resist a brief smile as this right-wing ideologue is sent back to the wilderness with her tail behind her legs. Tolerance of different viewpoints is one thing, but I don't have to be tolerant of intolerance.

Good riddance.

So Happy, And Yet So Sad

Seriously, on the day we elect the (half) black dude president, and 61.2% of Californians voted for Obama, 52.4% of them also voted in favor of prop 8, thus voting to strip gays of the right to get married.

That's so fucking gay.

Over His Dead Body

George Wallace was a segregationist, racist, and a bigot for much of his life. (At least until he wasn't). His daughter, apparently, is not. Of all the reflections I have read on the events of the past 24 hours, I think this composition is the most compelling. Ms. Wallace Kennedy observes that:

And now a new call to arms has sounded as Americans face another assault on freedom. For if the stand in the schoolhouse door was a defining moment for George Wallace, then surely the aftermath of Katrina and the invasion of Iraq will be the same for George W. Bush. The trampling of individual freedoms and his blatant contempt for the rights of the average American may not have been as obvious as an ax-handle-wielding governor, but Bush's insidiousness and piety have made him much more dangerous.

And concludes that:

Today, Barack Obama is hope for a better tomorrow for all Americans. He stands on the shoulders of all those people who have incessantly prayed for a day when "justice will run down like waters and righteousness as a mighty stream" (Amos 5:24). [. . .] And today, the day after the election, I am going to ride to the cemetery so that if asked, I can vouch for the fact that the world is still spinning but my father lies at peace.

Amen.

Save The Drama For Obama

I had a mental outline of a post that was to be entitled "I Have Lost Faith In Humanity" which was to be fleshed out upon a victory by John McCain in the presidential race. Fortunately, I have actually gained a bit of faith in humanity after yesterday's outcome in which Barack Obama was elected by nearly 63 million Americans.

I am exceedingly happy about this outcome. Seriously, though, I'm wondering if he has enough experience to actually be a good president. Let's hope so. I will be purchasing a t-shirt that says "Save the drama for Obama" forthwith.

Fox News doesn't even try to be non-partisan anymore. Their coverage was given from a Republican point of view to an astounding level. I didn't watch any MSNBC coverage, so I can't comment on that. CNN was predictably centrist.

Most interesting side note: In Minnesota nearly 3 million votes were cast for the Senate race and Al Franken appears to have lost to the incumbent by 572 votes. And 437,000 votes were cast for an independent and 23,000 votes were cast for other gies who had no chance of winning.

UPDATE: The New York Times web site has the most amazing interactive coverage of the election. You can watch the Obama's and McCain's speeches with the transcripts, you can zoom in and out of each state on the map and see the results by county. You can, and I have, spend hours looking through the results and reading the stories and looking at all the clickable maps and such. It's really astounding.

Yes, We Did

I am thrilled to be the one to say it: the citizens of the United States of America just elected Barack Hussein Obama as the 44th president of our country. What an incredible night.

Much more to come as the day progresses. But one thought before I close for the evening: nearly 60 million Americans -- if not more -- just hired a black guy to be their President. Of all the incredible things about this campaign, this election, and this victory, that might stand as the most incredible of them all.

Now get to work, Mr. President.

Prediction time, yay!

Yeah, that’s right, three exclamation points, what? Do something. Yeah, I thought so.

Anyway, after a goddamn eon or something, this fucking election is finally gonna be over tonight (well, hopefully). Side Bar laid down the first bet: 338-200 (for Obama, presumably).

Not bad, my Facebook-hating friend. I’ll take your 338 and raise you a North Carolina, which brings it to 353-185. I'll tack on a popular vote call to: 51.8%-46.3%.

And incidentally, if you run into anyone who gives you that “If Obama loses, I’m moving to Canada” thing, punch that person in the throat. That’s retarded. You can also kick their dog, if they have one and it’s in your immediate vicinity.

Anyway, here’s a lil’ clip from the lovely Faith who, by the by, is a Rhodes Scholar and a part-time Navy S.E.A.L. So I hear, anyway.

First, Obama Justice. Then, Justice Obama.

Remember back in December when the four of us endorsed Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States? And remember when he pulled off a huge upset to unseat Hillary Clinton as the heir apparent to the Democratic Party, and then ran an extraordinary presidential campaign, putting himself in position to win the presidency (which - barring a seismic shift in the current landscape - he will do about 24 hours from now)?

You do? Good. Now forget it. We're on to the next big thing.

As Open Bar has observed before, the Internet (ok, fine, the blogosphere (just puked in my mouth)) can be a cutthroat environment. Everyone wants to be first to report, predict, or develop something. Credibility comes from scooping others, or getting to the right result faster than anyone else. And so, confident in his victory tomorrow (JINX!) I am prepared to announce Barack Obama's next government job:

Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

That's right. You heard it here first. Barack Obama will be the first black Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Here's why:

1). When he leaves office, Obama will be the second youngest former president in modern history. He will not reach the age of retirement until about a decade after he leaves office, even if he serves two full terms.

2). At some point during his post-presidency years, it is reasonable to assume that a Democratic president will have the opportunity to appoint someone to the Supreme Court. That's a stretch of 20-30 years, and I doubt the Republicans are going on that kind of streak.

3). Obama would be an ideal candidate. Barring a Bush-style presidency (I doubt it), or a Clinton-style scandal (I really doubt it), I think Obama can expect to leave office as a well-respected, if not adored, president. This would make him an easy confirmation, especially if there is a five- to ten-year lag between his departure from office and his nomination to the Court (ex-president's tend to become more and more popular with the passage of time. Even Nixon got a decent tribute when he died).

4). Obama would be qualified to serve on the Supreme Court. As a constitutional law scholar, he would be at least as prepared to sit on the Court as some of his co-Justices (I'm looking at you, Justice Thomas).

5). The Chief Justice thing is a little bit more of a stretch, but I think it makes sense, given the respect accorded to former Presidents, that Obama would ascend to the Chief Justice's chair in the event of a vacancy. It also assumes that there will not be another black justice named to the Chief Justice position between now and . . . say, 2020, which is also a tad presumptive on my part.

There is some precedent for this. Obama would not be the first American to lead both the executive and judicial branches of the federal government. William Taft was the twenty-seventh President of the United States, and the tenth Chief Justice of the United States.

Anything can happen in the next eight years (shit, anything can happen in the next eight hours) that would preclude this from happening, but I think it is a real possibility. Obama is going to prove himself to be an intellectual president on the order of Clinton (who would almost certainly be talked about for a seat on the Court if he hadn't been disbarred), and his post-presidential years are not going to be spent lecturing to law students in Chicago. It's just not prestigious enough for a former president. Absent a return to the Senate (which I wouldn't rule out), or a Carter/Clinton-type bid for a Nobel Prize, bank on the Supreme Court for Justice Obama.

Dear Lord,

Please don't let the stupid vote ruin this for me tomorrow.

Stay black, Lord.
Amen.