Friday, July 25, 2008

Friday Classic Video: The [insert negative superlative] Dark Knight analysis ever?

First of all, if you haven't seen The Dark Knight, you already know that you suck because you've had nothing to talk about with other people this week. But please continue reading, no spoilers here. (Maybe.)

Second, the guys at Fire Joe Morgan, which, again, is the best Web site on the series of tubes, have already posted this video and made their comments. Those comments will be better than mine. That's because -- as Sabermetrics makes clear-- funnier people write funnier things than those who are not as funny. That's us! Anyway, go read their shit.

Third, if you asked me who the two ESPN commentators I hate most are, I would say: 1) Skip Bayless, whose children I hope fall into a well; and 2) Stephen A. Smith, who apparently some people must like, seeing as he's still around. Who are you people? Seriously, I'm curious. Here, let's have some solidarity: I like the movie National Treasure. Everyone else seems to hate it because it's a terrible movie. (Even though, yes, it did recently have a sequel which made a shitload of money, so okay fine, maybe everybody doesn't hate it. But anyone of reasonable intelligence does, right?) So is that like you Stephen A. Smith likers? I don't think this whole line of argument makes much sense, does it? So let's move on.

Fourth, speaking of ESPN people I can't stand, I don't like that John Kruk and Steve Philips are the "experts" on Baseball Tonight. John Kruk and Steve Philips -- though they may be perfectly nice in real life -- are horrible at talking about baseball. The FJM guys have a litany of examples, but John Kruk once said this:
"I think it's easier to score runs when you have a pitcher on your side who's pitching for you. That is a great pitcher, because you know you don't have to score that many. And what it does is, you know if you go up with a runner on third with less than two outs and you don't bring the run in, you think to yourself, 'All right, well, so what? They're not going to score either. We'll have more opportunities.'"
Yes, that's right. It's easier for your team to score runs when your team's starting pitcher is good. The reason, apparently, is because you don't care. Nothing to do with how good your hitters are, how bad the other team's starting pitcher is, or -- to Kruk's credit -- leprechauns.

Then there's Steve Philips who, as any Mets fan knows, was a terrible, awful, atrocious General Manager. I think this SAT analogy is appropriate: Steve Philips : General Manager :: George W. Bush : President. Too obvious? How about Steve Philips : General Manager :: Someone : Something that person is really, really, really, extraordinarily bad at doing.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. So you saw The Dark Knight. Now imagine for one second what it would be like if Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless (who like to give wedgies to orphans when no one's looking) gave their opinions on The Dark Knight.

If you're like me, you would assume that: 1) Skip Bayless will say it's a bad movie, because Skip Bayless hates fun and sunshine and children and anything that you like; and 2) Stephen A. Smith wishes it had more black people.

Believe it or not, ESPN put this little fantasy in motion. And, since it's ESPN, some dumbass producer had to make it seem like a regular part of the show, so it's a discussion of whether The Dark Knight is overrated or underrated.

(Seriously, how in the world could this movie -- whatever you thought of it -- be underrated? It received rapturous reviews and broke every box office record. It seems to be very well liked. But anyway, just watch.)

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