There's us, and then there's these guys

Inbreds don't only live in West Virginia.

I like to think of this particular blog as proudly pro-New Jersey. But once in a while, I come across something that reminds me that while we may represent what is best about our fair state, New Jersey is still packed to the jagerbombs with douchebags. 

I just spent five agonizing minutes browsing through some of the pictures on this site from hell, ClubItUp. It was created by someone called Franky Stylez (natch), who looks exactly as you would suspect. You can learn much more about him here. My favorite part? "Franky Stylez Catch Phrase [sic]: 'I am about to get sick wit it' and 'Touch it.'" (Touch what? Ew, gross, no way.)

The site promotes clubs in New Jersey. That, added to what I mentioned above about my dawg Franky Stizzles, should tell you just about all you need to know. I think that every time this site posts a picture, an angel gets mauled by a syphilitic bear. 

What a wonderful world!

Bet that feels worse on your cheeks than Jessica's inner thighs, huh.

Yesterday was magnificent. Oh sooooooo magnificent! Thank you, thank you, NFL gods.

A postseason without the Patriots, the Cowboys, and Brett Favre? The Lions actually finishing 0-16? The Chargers starting the season off 4-8, then somehow making the playoffs over the 2007/2008-Mets-level-meltdown-style Broncos? Fan-friggin'-tastic. Bonus: That last bit led to this marvelous image of Jay Cutler looking like someone just made fun of him in front of the whole school!

Jay Cutler's Indian name is Quivering Lips McGee.

(More Cutler pics here.)

Schadenfreude, that elusive mistress of others' miseries, also gave us this marvelous, stupendous, splendiferous, scrumtrelecent story of a certain Cowboy quarterback's postgame shower incident (Cue prison-rape jokes.):

"Tony Romo's three turnovers were momentarily meaningless [Ed. note: Not true.] Sunday night when players started yelling in the shower after the quarterback collapsed...

When asked later what happened, Romo said, 'Um, you know, I was just a little banged up, I guess.'"

Man, sometimes the Romo-collapsing-on-the-field-AND-in-the-shower jokes just write themselves.

Reached for comment, Terrell Owens -- fighting through tears -- said, "That's my teammate!"

Quivering Lips McGee's distant cousin, Sniffling Bitchboy Johnson.

Man, the pope is real jerk

Pope = Gargamel?

I’m a Protestant. The main difference, I think, between my version of Christianity and, say, Side Bar’s and LJT’s (Catholics) is that, to me, what some old dude in a funny hat who got elected behind closed doors in some arcane, secret ritual involving multicolored smoke says doesn’t mean shit.

Today’s winner? Me:

Pope Benedict said on Monday that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behavior was just as important as saving the rainforest from destruction.

"(The Church) should also protect man from the destruction of himself. A sort of ecology of man is needed," the pontiff said in a holiday address to the Curia, the Vatican's central administration.

"The tropical forests do deserve our protection. But man, as a creature, does not deserve any less."

The Catholic Church teaches that while homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts are. It opposes gay marriage and, in October, a leading Vatican official called homosexuality "a deviation, an irregularity, a wound."

(I wonder if I could make a plowing-down-the-rain-forest/plowing-altar-boys joke here.)

The pope said humanity needed to "listen to the language of creation" to understand the intended roles of man and woman. He compared behavior beyond traditional heterosexual relations as "a destruction of God's work."

He also defended the Church's right to "speak of human nature as man and woman, and ask that this order of creation be respected."

I suppose it is a lot to ask of a former Nazi that he try to view human beings different from himself as human beings not, you know, plants.

Whatever, he’s really old. He’ll be dead soon enough, and we can all watch the funny smoke ceremony on CNN again! Yay!

Blog Fatigue

I get bored of seeing the same thing on the blog, and when we go more than a few days without a new post, it sort of sucks. And that is particularly the case when the most recent post is (a) yours and (b) kind of shitty.

This post is my solution to that problem.

Chwing!

If I am going to look at the same post for a week, it might as well be this one.

Barachiavellian

We haven't written much of anything about President-elect Obama's designation of Hillary Clinton as the incoming Secretary of State. I will try to write more later, but the more I think about it - and in light of the news that Caroline Kennedy wants to replace Hil as the junior Senator from New York - I am becoming convinced that Obama moved her to State as a way of (a) getting her out of his way, legislatively speaking, (b) freeing up the seat for his new friend Caroline, or (c) both.

due principe?

A Vegan Joke For Open Bar

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they can't change anything

Quote of The Day

Lucy Kellaway, a columnist for The Financial Times, relayed a story heard from a friend that had worked (and had been fired from) the school that Paul McCartney and Heather Mills' five year old daughter, Beatrice, attends.

Ms. Kellaway writes that, according to her friend, "at a recent parents’ evening, Heather Mills was told that her daughter was rather good at the recorder." Ms. Mills apparently replied: 'She gets that from me.'"

We Wish Shoe a Merry Christmas

An Iraqi reporter sums up how just about everyone in the world feels about President George W. Bush, as his eight years come to an end.

A Very Merry Christmas From Where's Luke

With a guest appearance from Diesal, who's mad because he had to be in a Christmas dance even though he's Jewish

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Friday Classic Video (on Saturday): Rubber, Rubber Duck, Y'all

Courtesy of RWI - I freaking love this.