Wow, has it been a busy week, what with all this constant posting and whatnot. My fingers feel like they're about to fall off! OMG LOL!
Sorry 'bout that. Moving on, many of you know that it's been a particularly tough week to be a Mets fan. So I figured I'd take a classic movie and use a few clips from it to help work through my feelings. Please feel free to suggest other scenes and how they might relate.
Feeling #1: Suicidal. I thought Tuesday's game was bad. Then Wednesday happened. And finally, there was the Katrina-sized debacle that was yesterday. (I know this is really crappy quality, but you remember the clip. If you know somewhere that has a better version, let me know.)
(Here's the full scene, in better quality if you really want to see the whole thing now.)
Feeling #2: Rage. This is what would likely happen if Billy Wagner were to find himself in a room full of Mets fans.
Feeling #3: Oh fuck it, let's just have a laugh and remember that there's plenty more season to go, right?
Friday, August 31, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Things That Are Overrated: The Breakfast Club
I saw this movie again about two days ago, which is what spurred this post.
The Breakfast Club is regarded as the quintessential '80s movie by the quintessential '80s director, but it's not that great. John Hughes was onto something when he wrote and directed this movie. It's a great idea, and I really like movies that run as if they were plays. This one is enterttaining because you can imagine yourself sitting in an auditorium watching this story that takes place in basically one room. (side note: another movie that runs like a play is "Two Girls And A Guy" with Robert Downey, Jr. and Heather Graham and someone else I forget who plays the second girl. I enjoyed that film, too.)
The basic idea is that he gets together 5 kids who have nothing in common on the surface, but come to realize that they actually have more in common than they would have thought. I think this is an really deep idea that should be mined for as much as it's worth. There's a lot of material here to mine out. The probalem I have with this movie is that it's just really disjointed and it's not executed as well as it should be. It's good, but it could be much better. So the reason it's underrated is that the potential for a classic movie is really there, but instead it's sortof a pedestrian affair.
The main problem I have with the movie is that the kids just go back and forth between liking and hating each other without any real reason. Judd Nelson is very good in the role, but his character just jumps between having sympathy for the others and then outright hating them within seconds. And then in the end, he's basically just like "I was just kidding, Molly Ringwald, I liked you all along." And then Emilio Estevez is like, "Gee, Ally Sheedy, you're pretty cute, lets make out for a minute or two." And Ally Sheedy is like, "Well, I've developed this image as an outsider and even though I'm pretty I'm gonna wear black eye makeup and not wash my hair so that I have copious amounts of dandruff, but since Molly Ringwald wants to put eye liner on me, I guess I'll abandon everything I've got going here and make out with Emilio Estevez for a minute or two."
Basically, the ending is kindof hollow for me because we really didn't get deep enough into the characters. Also there isn't really a moment when any of these relationships really form. Again, the groundwork is there. And the idea of the things they have in common slowly coming out through the course of the day is interesting. The little speech that each of them makes about how they really view themselves is pretty good. I can buy that all of them are friendly afterward, and the best part of the movie is when Molly Ringwald says that she probably wouldn't be friends with any of them on Monday. There just isn't enough there for these relationships to have formed at the end. Also the indecision through the course of in terms of liking and hating each other really bothers me.
The iMDB page for the movie says that the original cut was about 150 minutes and was trimmed down to an '80s style 97 minutes for theatrical release. So I'm guessing...I'm hoping, that the original cut wasn't quite so abrupt in dealing with these kids feelings, but the existing fils leaves me just a little bit hollow.
For the record, I do enjoy the movie and there are certain parts that are really powerful, but I felt like the whole thing could have been that powerful, rather than just a certain few minutes.
The Breakfast Club is regarded as the quintessential '80s movie by the quintessential '80s director, but it's not that great. John Hughes was onto something when he wrote and directed this movie. It's a great idea, and I really like movies that run as if they were plays. This one is enterttaining because you can imagine yourself sitting in an auditorium watching this story that takes place in basically one room. (side note: another movie that runs like a play is "Two Girls And A Guy" with Robert Downey, Jr. and Heather Graham and someone else I forget who plays the second girl. I enjoyed that film, too.)
The basic idea is that he gets together 5 kids who have nothing in common on the surface, but come to realize that they actually have more in common than they would have thought. I think this is an really deep idea that should be mined for as much as it's worth. There's a lot of material here to mine out. The probalem I have with this movie is that it's just really disjointed and it's not executed as well as it should be. It's good, but it could be much better. So the reason it's underrated is that the potential for a classic movie is really there, but instead it's sortof a pedestrian affair.
The main problem I have with the movie is that the kids just go back and forth between liking and hating each other without any real reason. Judd Nelson is very good in the role, but his character just jumps between having sympathy for the others and then outright hating them within seconds. And then in the end, he's basically just like "I was just kidding, Molly Ringwald, I liked you all along." And then Emilio Estevez is like, "Gee, Ally Sheedy, you're pretty cute, lets make out for a minute or two." And Ally Sheedy is like, "Well, I've developed this image as an outsider and even though I'm pretty I'm gonna wear black eye makeup and not wash my hair so that I have copious amounts of dandruff, but since Molly Ringwald wants to put eye liner on me, I guess I'll abandon everything I've got going here and make out with Emilio Estevez for a minute or two."
Basically, the ending is kindof hollow for me because we really didn't get deep enough into the characters. Also there isn't really a moment when any of these relationships really form. Again, the groundwork is there. And the idea of the things they have in common slowly coming out through the course of the day is interesting. The little speech that each of them makes about how they really view themselves is pretty good. I can buy that all of them are friendly afterward, and the best part of the movie is when Molly Ringwald says that she probably wouldn't be friends with any of them on Monday. There just isn't enough there for these relationships to have formed at the end. Also the indecision through the course of in terms of liking and hating each other really bothers me.
The iMDB page for the movie says that the original cut was about 150 minutes and was trimmed down to an '80s style 97 minutes for theatrical release. So I'm guessing...I'm hoping, that the original cut wasn't quite so abrupt in dealing with these kids feelings, but the existing fils leaves me just a little bit hollow.
For the record, I do enjoy the movie and there are certain parts that are really powerful, but I felt like the whole thing could have been that powerful, rather than just a certain few minutes.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Friday Classic Video: Triple-threat match!
All right, so I thought I'd do a little something special today. Three videos!!! (And three exclamation points!!!) I know, amazing, right? But since none of my other cohorts decided to bless our blessed blog (Mrs. Twombly is loving my alliteration.) this week with a...what do you call it? Oh yeah, a POST. Yeah, that's it. Anyway, here are three clips which I hope you will offer your opinions on. (Rock on with the dangling prepositions!)
Number One: In all honesty, should "Mexicans" be counted as "Real People"?
Number Two: We've all been the first to pass out, but have your friends ever done something quite like this to you? (WIN IT! GET THE BALL! GOOD SHOW!)
Best Prank To Do When Passed Out - Click here for the funniest movie of the week
Number Three: (Disclaimer: If you've recently lost a loved one, this may be difficult to watch. So if you're particularly sensitive, then I'd say don't bother watching. Either way, the real question comes after the clip.)
So, is that real? (For the record, I only posted that to address the ongoing question of whether or not any video you see on YouTube or wherever is actually real. Whereas it's very easy to claim that some idiot face-planting while trying to breakdance is fake, is it just as easy seeing something like this and calling "Bullshit!"?)
In case that depressed anyone...
Here's why I miss college:
So which one is best?
Number One: In all honesty, should "Mexicans" be counted as "Real People"?
Number Two: We've all been the first to pass out, but have your friends ever done something quite like this to you? (WIN IT! GET THE BALL! GOOD SHOW!)
Best Prank To Do When Passed Out - Click here for the funniest movie of the week
Number Three: (Disclaimer: If you've recently lost a loved one, this may be difficult to watch. So if you're particularly sensitive, then I'd say don't bother watching. Either way, the real question comes after the clip.)
So, is that real? (For the record, I only posted that to address the ongoing question of whether or not any video you see on YouTube or wherever is actually real. Whereas it's very easy to claim that some idiot face-planting while trying to breakdance is fake, is it just as easy seeing something like this and calling "Bullshit!"?)
In case that depressed anyone...
Here's why I miss college:
So which one is best?
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Study by NASA says: Doing three things at once less convenient than doing each one at a time
I don't normally like to use this space to blatantly bitch about things, but there is one thing that happened once again tonight that has bothered the crap out of me for so long, I can't even remember the first time -- or even the 405th time -- it happened.
Let me set the scene:
You enter your local grocery mart and proceed to pick out the various items which will comprise your dinner, along with tampons (if you've got a wife), granola bars (if you've got a kid, or you're a stoner), or some Astroglide (if you're Michael Vick. What? Too soon?), etc...
(Ha, remember the name of the Jetsons' dog? Astro! I just made a double entendre! Prison rape and dogs! Beat that, James Bond!)
You approach the checkout lines, try to guess which one will move fastest, and inevitably choose the one where the guy in front of you can't figure out how to swipe his credit card and, after that, the cashier chick types in the wrong code for green peppers and has to call her manager over for a "void." You smile, trying to cover your frustration, thinking, "Haven't any of you idiots ever done this before?"
Finally, all your items are bagged by that odd-looking guy who creeps you out when he smiles, almost as if he's asking you to congratulate him on such a magnificent accomplishment. The cashier says, "$23.78." You brought three quarters along, just in case that amount of change would cover it, but you're three cents short, so you hand over a twenty and a ten. She opens the register, and very carefully (read: slowly as fuck) counts out six dollars and twenty-two cents. It's just a five and a one, and two dimes and two pennies, but she concentrates on this like she needs to get a 5 on the A.P. Calculus exam to get that scholarship.
Now what does she do?
She has the 22 cents in one hand, the bills in the other. She watches the receipt print out -- which is always inconceivably long, considering you only bought about five items. Then she grabs the receipt with the hand holding the bills, hands it to you, and pours the 22 cents in change on top of it. Then she gives you that smile that isn't really a smile -- it's just the face that she knows she has to make because her manager told her to do that so the customer will think he received good service and then leave promptly.
So there you are. In your hand, from the bottom up, are a five-dollar bill, a one-dollar bill, a giant receipt that for whatever reason requires several pieces of paper, and topping it off are two dimes and two pennies.
Argh.
I don't know about you, but I put my change in my right front pocket. I put my bills in my wallet, which I keep in my back left pocket. Receipts? I usually put them in the bag.
Here is what upsets me. That cashier clearly thinks she's just done me a favor by handing all of this to me at once. That bullshit smile confirms it. This could not be further from the truth. Rather than grabbing my bag of groceries and leaving, allowing the person behind me to more quickly make his way through this same process, I'm stuck there. Stuck, as I have to take the change off the top, then place it in my pocket; then take the receipt and throw it in the bag of groceries; then I have to open my wallet and put the bills back in there. Only then, after this three-step process, can I grab my bag of groceries and leave the store.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GIVE ME ALL THAT SHIT AT ONCE?
Do you think it's convenient for me? "Oh here, I'll give it all to you in one motion, that's easier, isn't it?" NO. NO IT FUCKING ISN'T. How about this: Instead of waiting for the receipt to print out, why don't you hand me my coins first, which I will then put directly into my right front pocket. After that, hand me my bills, which I will place into my wallet, which I will then place into my left back pocket. Then, when the receipt has printed, how about YOU put it into the bag?
It's gotten to the point where I will deliberately prevent all the other people in line behind me from moving forward because I insist on taking my time as I put my change in my pocket, the bills in my wallet, and the receipt in the bag. "Oh, am I holding you up? Sorry. Blame that bitch behind the register."
I cannot understand how this technique has spread everywhere, from the D'Agostino where I buy groceries, to every Duane Reade, and on to basically any store that produces receipts. There isn't much you can do, either. I've tried telling the cashier to do it one at a time, but when I do, I'm met with that look that means either:
Let me set the scene:
You enter your local grocery mart and proceed to pick out the various items which will comprise your dinner, along with tampons (if you've got a wife), granola bars (if you've got a kid, or you're a stoner), or some Astroglide (if you're Michael Vick. What? Too soon?), etc...
(Ha, remember the name of the Jetsons' dog? Astro! I just made a double entendre! Prison rape and dogs! Beat that, James Bond!)
You approach the checkout lines, try to guess which one will move fastest, and inevitably choose the one where the guy in front of you can't figure out how to swipe his credit card and, after that, the cashier chick types in the wrong code for green peppers and has to call her manager over for a "void." You smile, trying to cover your frustration, thinking, "Haven't any of you idiots ever done this before?"
Finally, all your items are bagged by that odd-looking guy who creeps you out when he smiles, almost as if he's asking you to congratulate him on such a magnificent accomplishment. The cashier says, "$23.78." You brought three quarters along, just in case that amount of change would cover it, but you're three cents short, so you hand over a twenty and a ten. She opens the register, and very carefully (read: slowly as fuck) counts out six dollars and twenty-two cents. It's just a five and a one, and two dimes and two pennies, but she concentrates on this like she needs to get a 5 on the A.P. Calculus exam to get that scholarship.
Now what does she do?
She has the 22 cents in one hand, the bills in the other. She watches the receipt print out -- which is always inconceivably long, considering you only bought about five items. Then she grabs the receipt with the hand holding the bills, hands it to you, and pours the 22 cents in change on top of it. Then she gives you that smile that isn't really a smile -- it's just the face that she knows she has to make because her manager told her to do that so the customer will think he received good service and then leave promptly.
So there you are. In your hand, from the bottom up, are a five-dollar bill, a one-dollar bill, a giant receipt that for whatever reason requires several pieces of paper, and topping it off are two dimes and two pennies.
Argh.
I don't know about you, but I put my change in my right front pocket. I put my bills in my wallet, which I keep in my back left pocket. Receipts? I usually put them in the bag.
Here is what upsets me. That cashier clearly thinks she's just done me a favor by handing all of this to me at once. That bullshit smile confirms it. This could not be further from the truth. Rather than grabbing my bag of groceries and leaving, allowing the person behind me to more quickly make his way through this same process, I'm stuck there. Stuck, as I have to take the change off the top, then place it in my pocket; then take the receipt and throw it in the bag of groceries; then I have to open my wallet and put the bills back in there. Only then, after this three-step process, can I grab my bag of groceries and leave the store.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GIVE ME ALL THAT SHIT AT ONCE?
Do you think it's convenient for me? "Oh here, I'll give it all to you in one motion, that's easier, isn't it?" NO. NO IT FUCKING ISN'T. How about this: Instead of waiting for the receipt to print out, why don't you hand me my coins first, which I will then put directly into my right front pocket. After that, hand me my bills, which I will place into my wallet, which I will then place into my left back pocket. Then, when the receipt has printed, how about YOU put it into the bag?
It's gotten to the point where I will deliberately prevent all the other people in line behind me from moving forward because I insist on taking my time as I put my change in my pocket, the bills in my wallet, and the receipt in the bag. "Oh, am I holding you up? Sorry. Blame that bitch behind the register."
I cannot understand how this technique has spread everywhere, from the D'Agostino where I buy groceries, to every Duane Reade, and on to basically any store that produces receipts. There isn't much you can do, either. I've tried telling the cashier to do it one at a time, but when I do, I'm met with that look that means either:
- "Are you, like, one of them foreigners or something?"
- "How could you possibly ask me that?"
- "Okay, retard alert, MANAGER!"
Friday, August 17, 2007
The Big Fucking Lebowski
On this, the third Friday of August 2007, I bring you a clip of two of my favorite things in the world: The 'F' word and The Big Lebowski - combined.
This clip tells the story of the move The Big Lebowski but in only (almost) one word, Fuck, or as that Amish pansy-ass Side Bar would say, F*ck.
This clip tells the story of the move The Big Lebowski but in only (almost) one word, Fuck, or as that Amish pansy-ass Side Bar would say, F*ck.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Real Pizza Vs. Fake Pizza
This is a question for people who live in and around New York. How is it that pizza places like Domino's Pizza and Pizza Hut and Papa John's stay open for business in New York city? New York City is a town that has essentially perfected the pizza. If you live in the New York Metro area, then you live very close to a pizza place that makes very good pizza. Some are better than others, but all of them are beteter than Domino's et al. Why would one choose to order from one of these national chains that uses ingredients that aren't fresh and subpar sauce and so forth if you could instead have a real slice of pizza?
I would think that Domino's and the others would just not have a really big market share in a place like New York. I gather that this isn't true all around the country, and good pizza is hard to find in other places. And if that's the case, then I guess Domino's isn't the worst thing in the world, but shit, it's not like a real pizza costs all that much or anything. There's really no reason I can see to get a fake one.
Incidentally, the best pizza I've ever had anywhere was at a place called Bella Napoli that was on Madison Avenue in the vicinity of 26th or 27th street. It was perfectly made and what made it the best slice ever was the sauce. Something about that sauce was addictive. I used to work on 23rd and Madison and then later I worked at 34th and Madison, so I would go there a lot. I would walk from 34th street past like 4 or 5 other pizza places to go to this one.
I would think that Domino's and the others would just not have a really big market share in a place like New York. I gather that this isn't true all around the country, and good pizza is hard to find in other places. And if that's the case, then I guess Domino's isn't the worst thing in the world, but shit, it's not like a real pizza costs all that much or anything. There's really no reason I can see to get a fake one.
Incidentally, the best pizza I've ever had anywhere was at a place called Bella Napoli that was on Madison Avenue in the vicinity of 26th or 27th street. It was perfectly made and what made it the best slice ever was the sauce. Something about that sauce was addictive. I used to work on 23rd and Madison and then later I worked at 34th and Madison, so I would go there a lot. I would walk from 34th street past like 4 or 5 other pizza places to go to this one.
Friday Classic Video: Who is a drunken profane asshole who hates the crew?
A few years back, I had a nightly ritual of watching ABC's World News Tonight with Peter Jennings, followed by Jeopardy. (Actually, it may have been more like "bong hit, Peter Jennings, bong hit, Jeopardy, bong hit, bong hit, etc..." to be honest.) I would watch it with a good buddy, the original Shreck (proper spelling), and we eventually came up with a theory that between the two of them, Peter Jennings and Alex Trebek knew absolutely everything in the world. The hourlong block from 6:30-7:30 could teach you more about the world and history than three years of high school.
Then, sadly, Peter Jennings died, leaving Alex Trebek as the lone purveyor of the world's wisdom. I've always admired him, and not just because he knew everything (yes, I do firmly believe he not only knows all the answers on Jeopardy, he writes all the clues himself 5 minutes before each show), but I always felt there was something else. Something more, that we didn't get to see every Monday to Friday on that soundstage in Los Angeles.
Now, my intuition has been proven true. Not only is he Socrates-smart, he's everything a real man should be: an alcoholic, vulgar, arrogant bastard who treats his inferiors LIKE THEY DESERVE.
God bless him!
(originally seen at the great Deuce of Davenport)
Then, sadly, Peter Jennings died, leaving Alex Trebek as the lone purveyor of the world's wisdom. I've always admired him, and not just because he knew everything (yes, I do firmly believe he not only knows all the answers on Jeopardy, he writes all the clues himself 5 minutes before each show), but I always felt there was something else. Something more, that we didn't get to see every Monday to Friday on that soundstage in Los Angeles.
Now, my intuition has been proven true. Not only is he Socrates-smart, he's everything a real man should be: an alcoholic, vulgar, arrogant bastard who treats his inferiors LIKE THEY DESERVE.
God bless him!
(originally seen at the great Deuce of Davenport)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
A truly awesome commercial
Geico has clearly been the best commercial producer the past few years, but Skittles is making a serious run at the title. This one has more emotion than every episode of "Entourage" put together (Oh God, how I hate that frackin' show.). Better special effects than Star Wars. And "Tim" evokes the voice and pathos equal to that of the Rockbiter in The Neverending Story. ("They look like big...strong hands...don't they?)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I'll Go Out To The Movies, And Buy Myself A Snack
Ok, this post is for those of you with social skills. I am not among those blessed members of society with social skills, so maybe I just don't understand.
One of the things I like to do best is go to the movies. And if I happen to have a few hours to myself, then I'll often go to the movies alone. And then when I talk to people and tell them I went to a movie they'll invariably ask me, "who did you go with?". And when I say, "no one. I went by myself," they say, "Really?!?", as if I just told them I fellated Dave in Times Square.
How can it be that people don't go to the movies alone? I mean, it's probably the least social thing I can think of to do. You sit and watch. You're not supposed to talk or really interact or do anything other than watch. That's not to say that I don't got o the movies with other people, but it's certainly not a requirement for me to go see a film. Why do others feel the need to make movie watching a social activity?
One of the things I like to do best is go to the movies. And if I happen to have a few hours to myself, then I'll often go to the movies alone. And then when I talk to people and tell them I went to a movie they'll invariably ask me, "who did you go with?". And when I say, "no one. I went by myself," they say, "Really?!?", as if I just told them I fellated Dave in Times Square.
How can it be that people don't go to the movies alone? I mean, it's probably the least social thing I can think of to do. You sit and watch. You're not supposed to talk or really interact or do anything other than watch. That's not to say that I don't got o the movies with other people, but it's certainly not a requirement for me to go see a film. Why do others feel the need to make movie watching a social activity?
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Are You a Bigot?
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all (straight) men are created equal....
The democratic candidates had their LBGT (Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay and Transgender) and they all seemed to dance around the issue of gay marriage (except Kucinich).
Should homosexuals be allowed to marry? I don't see how you can say anything but "yes, of course".
The conservative opposition, seems to have these basic justification for not allowing it:
- If we allow that, we have to allow polygamy and bestiality, it's a slippery slope.
- If we allow gay people to get married, our kids will all turn gay.
- God doesn't like it.
The democratic position seems to be, "well, they should have all the rights of married people but we shouldn't call it marriage" (except for Kucinich). Why not just call it marriage? It's kind of like saying "if interracial people get married, we should just give it another name".
In my opinion, government sponsored (for lack of a better word) same sex marriages should absolutely be legalized and it should be called just that. I don't think you can force individual religions to recognize them, however. That's their call - although if they get any sort of public funds, they probably shouldn't anymore as long as they practice discrimination.
I think if I were trying in a gay marriage movement, I'd have to think about taking the "Civil Union" deal as opposed to holding out for the term, marriage, and figure it would be a slippery slope and in a few years that would follow. At the same time, though, I'm not sure - it is degrading to say you can sort of be married.
All in all, I think if you're against gay marriage you're a bigot.
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