Sunday, January 27, 2008

Guest Blogging Action: Win it, Lumpy! Get the ball!

Here at Where's Luke?, we always try to bring you the best. But sometimes, we get fuckin' lazy and don't post much, like the past few weeks. So it's nice to receive a little love letter like this one, from our buddy whom we'll call Lumpy. Without further adieu, a guest post from Lumpy...

Thank you to Open Bar, Side Bar, Chuckjerry, and the Notorious LJT for allowing me to contribute to this blog, which I enjoy thoroughly and check for updates almost daily.

I would like to remain anonymous on this blog (Editors' note: Lumpy, see above), though if you are reading this, chances are that we know each other rather well. Throughout my childhood and teen years I was often encouraged to “win it” and some may describe me today as follicle-ly challenged.

Recently I heard about a website called “” This woman I know claimed that her students rated her as the “hottest teacher at school.” I did not find this rating system on the website, nor did I think this subsequent rating about her was possible because I have vision.

On a random ride down route four on the bodega bus, I saw our old high school and decided to check for THS, particularly many of the student ratings for our old teachers.

Just to be clear, the smiley is the overall rating, followed by the teachers name, subject, number of ratings and numeric overall score (5 is the highest rating possible.) The comments from students (in blue), especially the negative ones, should probably be taken with a boulder-sized grain of salt.

some lady, Home Economics 1 (number of ratings)1.0 (overall numeric rating)

i hate this teach, she screams fo no reason and get mad at ppl fo no reason,, and her tests r always hard, im gettin a C in her class

Well maybe we won’t need the salt shaker for this one, but please keep it in mind for the rest.

random teacher 1. English 16 2.7

Great teacher, and a nice lady. Two memories I have- 1.To get the class quiet one day (cause we were being dicks) she slammed the door and broke the glass. 2. She gave everyone a hug on the last day of class. Honestly though, she brought the “class” into classroom.

Apparently her students agree:

She is the -ish (Ish: 1. Slang term often used to replace "shit.")

Looking back, one of the best teachers I ever had. Tough, smart and willing to spend the time to make sure I learned how to write.

But maybe not all of them:

Got the best sleep of my life during her class.

some guy, Physical Education 9 2.8

His students comment:

this guy is the coolest - crazy - but he rules! Fall Back V.

(Fall back: 1. chill out, relax, stop trippin 2. hop off to get off ya nuts.)

Coolest teacher ever, u gotta piin?, what r u talkin about u want a pen? Speak english, lol

My favorite student comment about this guy: taught my mom and now me, still fun

Actually, this guy has taught Drivers Education to 5 generations of the Voce Family. Great-great-great Grandma (aka “mostly dead”) was taught by Mr. Vuono on the Ford Model T.

In their most recent holiday card to this guy, the Voce Family wrote “To our families favorite teacher, who has provided us with countless hours of entertainment through our own unique impressions around the family table, Happy Holidays, hope you can teach little Katlin in 2023.”

some lady, History 5 4.4

Her students comment:

She was the best teacher. Its too bad she retired she was a very good teacher and one of the nicest.

this lady & I developed an amazing friendship. I loved her AP history class and Fed Challenge was an awesome experience too! I'll miss her a lot & only wish her the best.

She plays favorites, she refuses to listen to other peoples' opinions, and is incredibly rude. AP History I was completely useless, you'll do better taking regular, seriously.

I just remember this being one of the most fun classes for me. A lot of us and our friends were in this class and we acted like complete dicks the entire time.

yo no se, Languages 8 3.3

His students comment:

I love Mr. Jardines! He is the best Language teacher in that building if you're willing to work.

he is so great and you learn so much with him; he's tough but one of the best teachers ever!

he is the worse (This student is probably bi-lingually dumb -- stupid in two languages.)

I had this guy or as we called him for no apparent reason “Mr. HardPenis.” I think Jason Hosey said it once and I repeated it, like I did with many things he said. I liked this guy and thought he was a great teacher, but I remember him going on tangents sometimes, once he spent an entire class telling us about the best brands of watches in the world, in great detail. The only time I really saw him lose his cool was when he taught us that “jardines” was “gardner” in Spanish and Leon Autry called him Mr. Gardner. ChuckJerry-Do any of your Hispanic students ever call you Mr. Jardines, can I call you Mr. HardPenis?

Konsevick Michael Math 2 2.8

Also known as Coach K, my two favorite Coach K quotes:

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHhhh! Evan, you fuckin' suck!”

“The three biggest lies ever told are: 1) The check is in the mail; 2) I’m on the way; 3) I won’t cum in your mouth” (Diesal, thank you for telling me about this last quote, just hearing it second hand in your Coach K voice was one of the highlights of my high school career)

Loeser Math 4 1.5

That can’t really be his/her last name. Is there a French pronunciation that I am missing?

Zubiaurre Peter Drafting 3 4.7

Maybe I am missing something (and no doubt one of you guys will point it out if I am) but are we really teaching drafting, wasn’t that used for architecture and engineering blueprints before we had something called computers? Are we also teaching cartography just to make sure that the satellite imaging isn’t making mistakes? I checked with one of the current Teaneck School Board Members who shall also remain anonymous and he/she does “not have any idea what they do in this class.”

Hey everyone, please share some of your own opinions/stories. I had a lot of fun writing this post and I hope you enjoyed reading it. The ball is on the tee, share some stuff if you get a chance. Oh yeah, and if you want to check out, feel free to use my account, login: FrankAllen Password: JimDelaney.


Joe Grossberg said...

Oh man, that was great. I wish Alice Twombly would hug me. She had the biggest tits at THS, after Mrs. Stokes, the nurse.

Also, I'm with you on Nikki Yuzek. If her body is 1/10th what it was as a student, she must have kids running home to wank at 3pm sharp.

P.S. All your images are busted. They're links to email or some shit.

lilah said...

I was totally in class when Ms. Twombly slammed the door so hard the window broke. I believe it was homeroom actually... that was some funny shit.

Joe Grossberg said...

"She plays favorites, she refuses to listen to other peoples' opinions, and is incredibly rude. AP History I was completely useless, you'll do better taking regular, seriously."

That totally jibes with my experience with Sherri Borrin. That dogmatic bitch can kiss my non-Marxist ass.