Thursday, August 9, 2007


I was dropping the Cosby Kids off at the pool this morning and was quite annoyed when someone chose the stall directly next to mine, especially because have not two, three, four or five, but six stalls in the bathroom.

I work in an office with seemingly well groomed, professional people and yet they the bathroom looks like it could be a petting zoo.

Here are the official LJT rules of using the office restroom:

  1. If you are the only one in the bathroom, the stalls are yours for the choosing.
  2. If someone else is there, choose the stall as far away as possible from the second shitter. An exception can be made for a handicap stall, however, my legs fall asleep because they are so much higher than regular toilets. Why are handicapped people so tall anyway?
  3. After wiping, check the toilet seat. It's disgusting to find little pieces of toilet paper and hair on a toilet seat when you walk in.
  4. Courtesy flush. No one wants to see your leftover turds. Yes, even yours.
  5. Piss in the urinal. With more than one pisser, apply rule number one to urinating as well.
  6. If there are two urinals next to eachother, you may still use the second urinal but it is acceptable to drain your Johnson in a stall, however:
  7. Pick the fucking seat up and if you don't - you pig - at least fucking wipe the seat. I don't know if it's more than one person in my office pees on toilet seats and it's completely and totally disgusting.
  8. Wash your hands.
Follow these rules and you will be a courteous and responsible office shitter.


Open Bar said...

I find that I get attached to a particular stall, generally the first one that I use. If there are five stalls, and the first time I go in I sit on the second one, then anytime I go back in I usually use that same one.

Unless of course, there's someone in there, whereon I obey rule no. 2.

Also, I just started at this new place, and the bathroom my boss showed me is mad small (only 1 pisser, 2 shitters). Very awkward for taking a serious shit. But today I discovered a really nice, larger loo (6 urinals, 5 shitters) on the other side of the office.

At 10:35 this morning, I decimated the fifth shitter with a 15-minute Bud Mud pounding.

Thought you'd like to know! K-bye! LOL

ChuckJerry said...

Is that an actual turd? That's the grossest thing I've seen all week. And who's taking pictures of their turds?

People who piss on toilet seats should be shot in the face and left to die in their own pool of urine. Lift up the fucking seat.