Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I refuse to believe this

At the start of October, after suffering through one of the most continuously stressful and agonizing months of my recent history as I watched the Mets complete their monumentally crushing collapse, I was a man without a country. At that time:
  • The Mets, as I said, were done
  • The yanks were still in the playoffs, and looking like they had a shot of extending my pain at least past the ALDS (boy, was I wrong, YAY!)
  • Rutgers, whom I recently adopted as my official college football team, had just suffered an embarrassing home loss, thus ruining any hopes of a national championship (and the loss was to Maryland, a hellbound ACC team, to top it off)
  • The Knicks are...well, the Knicks. The travails of Steph and Isiah may make for interesting gossip fodder, but how can I possibly pull myself to actually root for a team as full of fuckheads and dumbasses as the New York Knickerbockers? (I kinda like David Lee, I guess, but that just ain't gonna do it.)
  • The Rangers are...well, I don't really give much of a shit about hockey. If the Rangers do really well, then sometimes I watch.
And then there were the Giants.

"I was clearly adopted."

I firmly believed the G-men had a decent shot at going 0-16 this year, thus securing the No. 1 overall draft pick. And this year's corps of running backs is the best-looking group in a long time (Darren McFadden, Mike Hart, Ray Rice, Steve Slaton -- if he enters the draft, and a lot more that I'm forgetting). The Giants could sure use a top-flight back, but even if they chose a different route, it would've been the first pick!

And right on schedule, they looked goddamn AWFUL the first two games, giving up 80 points and fully fueling my certainty of a winless season.

But since then, things have changed. Things look different now. I don't know which player found Aladdin's lamp or blew Satan or what, but that truly terrible and pathetic team from the first two weeks has rattled off four straight wins. And the worst part? These games haven't even really been that close. (They've outscored their opponents 106-64) Which should be great news, right?


It's a fucking trap.

If you're a true Giants fan, you know exactly why I say that. Anyone who has watched this team for (at least) the last few years understands that in four weeks, when we play the Cowboys (5-1) again, we could very easily be 4-4, despite playing cupcakes like San Fran (2-3) and Miami (0-6).

And before you know it, it's a 5-11 season and spring training is nearly in sight.

The defense has looked great, which is inexplicable. I saw them in weeks 1-2 -- that is the true defense, if you ask me. And though the offense is surely better than the D, Eli is still prone to throwing the occasional duck that too easily winds up in some free safety's hands.

So I guess I'm just saying that I'm not getting my hopes up. If you're some 6-year-old kid reading this blog (FUCK SHIT CUNT PUSSY CUNNILINGUS FRENCH-KISSING), then I can understand your optimism. But just know -- and take it from a longtime fan -- the Giants will fuck this up. Now having raised your expectations, they will bring them crashing down with the weight of a blue whale, reducing your hopes and dreams to rubble.

That is, unless they can prove me wrong.

(And one final thing: Is Eli Manning ever going to close his mouth? I seriously don't think I've ever seen him with his mouth shut. Watch the game next week and I guarantee that on every close-up, whether on the field or the sideline, he'll have that same stupid half-open mouth that I'm sure just oozes confidence and instills faith in his teammates during the huddle.

Anyway, let's go G-men! You rule! I totally heart you guys!)


Joe Grossberg said...

Dude, they've won two Super Bowls and been in another, in the past 20 years. Six teams don't have a single Super Bowl trip in their league history, and the last time the Chiefs or Jets went, they were in the AFL, not the AFC.

Quit your bitching!

Open Bar said...

I absolutely appreciate those two Super Bowls. And I wasn't for one second trying to compare Jets fans' suffering to what I'm going through.

I was simply pointing out that despite the 4-2 record, this team still sucks, and I won't be surprised if we soon see that on the field.

More of a "Don't get your hopes up" thing, coming from a guy whose Mets just blew it. And Rutgers. And blah blah blah...

Joe Grossberg said...

Eh, Rutgers is Rutgers. Any deviation from their history of being the worst team in the Big East is nice. A national ranking is downright gravy.