Here's the news all week:
"Ok, there's the Pope getting off the plane. He's walking down the staircase. Oh my good ness, look at that walk. This guy walks like none other. Ok, and he's at the bottom of the staircase now. And look at him go. Ok, wait, wait, he just shook some guy's hand. Oh my, we are lucky to have the Pope here in America. No one shakes a hand like him. Doesn't his dress look fabulous. I wonder what Stephen Kojocaru will have to say about it. And, ok wait, he's walking again. My word can that man walk."
"Ok, so there goes the Popemobile. And the Pope is in it. See, the idea here is that the car is fashioned so that you can see the Pope while he rides inside it there except you can't like run up and shoot him or anything. Look at that Popemobile go. And the Pope is waving. Can you believe that, folks? He's waving. During his stay here not only will the Pope be waving, but we already saw him get off a plane and walk and shake some guy's hand, and also on his schedule is giving a speech somwhere and then riding in his Popemobile again and them meeting some other people and then giving mass on Sunday. This just could not be more exciting."
Dude, I get it. The Pope is here. It's like the guys who sit outside Starbucks waiting for Britney Spears to get a macchiato just all picked up and turned into the Pope-arazzi. Get it, Pope-arazzi? Maybe it's just because I'm not Catholic, but I could not possibly care less that the Pope is in town except to the extent that it messes up traffic.
You Catholics out there (I just felt like Keith Hernandez saying, "you kids out there"), is it really that important to you what the Pope is doing every second of the time that he's here in America? Do we need to interrupt regularly scheduled programming just to find out that the Pope is "en route" somewhere? If so, why is this only a story when the Pope is in America? We don't get hourly updates when the Pope is in Rome getting his Pope on. Or when he goes other places in the world. Are Catholics even that big a percentage of the American population?
When world leaders come to America and do stuff we don't get this kind of coverage. I don't understand the fascination with the Pope.
Crazy ass Catholics.