Friday, June 6, 2008

Deep Thoughts

Some random musings:

I hate when people come in to my office and say "can I interrupt you for a second"? You just did, assface, now get on with it.

When it comes to meaningful sports moments in my life, I turn into an 8th grade girl. I want to celebrate every fucking anniversary imaginable. David Tyree and I just had our four month anniversary, and I just know we are going to make it to five. Sometimes I find myself doodling "2-3-08" on my notepad when I am on a conference call.

Have you ever tried to change the channel at someone else's house?AUX/CAB/TV/STEREO/DVD. What the fuck? It can't be done.

Obama picking Hillary as his running mate would be like that episode of Saved by the Bell where Zack and Screech (with the help of Slater, Kelly, Lisa and Jesse) each tried to sabotage the other's version of the school song, only to have them work it out in the end, and "combine" the two songs into a completely different song that was way better than the other two (side note: ten points to anyone who can come back with lyrics to any of the three songs on their own). How is it similar, you ask? Because there is no way it could ever fucking happen in real life.

Have you ever noticed how much pointless shit there is on the internet?

John McCain looks absolutely miserable campaigning for President. He is looking around, fake smiling at gun nuts, fascists and every kind of redneck and thinking to himself, "that house better be fucking nice." I have a theory that even McCain is going to vote for Obama. Someone needs to look into this.

Do you ever fart in your office, thinking "it's my office, what the hell," only to have someone walk in your office like two seconds later and instantly know what happened? Me neither.

Let me be the first to tell knee-jerk reactionists everywhere: if John McCain becomes President by winning more electoral votes despite losing the popular vote it is NOT racism. It may be stupid, but it's happened before with two white guys, so every wannabe Jeremiah Wright out there just needs to calm down right now and accept that this might happen.

Ok, I'll be the first one to say it: The Office is getting kind of lame.

I have absolutely no clue how to play any video games any more. I look at the controller for XBOX360 II Nitro Plus or whatever the hell it's called and I break out in a cold sweat. Other than fit into small spaces and look hot in a swimsuit (too weird?), there should be nothing an 8 year-old can do that I can't. How the fuck did this happen? I'm not even 30 (tick-tock, tick-tock).

Did anyone see the Mariners' manager completely lose his shit the other night? It was a perfect rendition of Will Ferrell's locker room freak out from Old School except that he was totally serious.

I watched some dude climb the New York Times building yesterday around 6:30 p.m. All these people were stating up at him, and one guy says to himself, "man, I hope he falls." "Me too," I thought to myself, "me too." He didn't fall.

4 comments:

jessica said...

i have to admit i didn't remember the song from Saved by the Bell, but it was a Tori episode, so Jessie and Kelly weren't there... Video of it here: http://www.derok.net/videos/old-school/saved-by-the-bell-school-song

Walt Clyde Frazier said...

Damn, Side Bar, you have a lull at work recently? First the crossword, now this. Good stuff.

ChuckJerry said...

Bayside is the school that's cool and you know that it's true
(know that it's true...know that it's true).

The girls are the cutest and the guys are the hippest (is it coolest?) too.

ChuckJerry said...

...and yes, it's too weird.