Mets acquire Trot Nixon; players respond with their best cliches

That hat looks like it was on the '86 Mets.

Moises Alou and Ryan Church, who were supposed to be the Mets' starting corner outfielders, have faced quite a lot of injuries this year. One because he's really, really old, the other because he has a concussion fetish or something. (Seriously, Ryan? Twice in like two months?)

Corner outfielders generally are there to provide offense, which, when Alou and Church do in fact suit up, they do quite well. However, their replacements -- Angel Pagan (also now hurt), Endy Chavez, Fernando Tatis, Damion Easley, Marlon Anderson, Nick Evans -- haven't exactly torn the cover off the ball.

Today came news of Omar Minaya's surprise solution: Trot Nixon! You may remember him from the Red Sox of not too long ago. I remember that he put a lot of baby powder on his hat and a shitload of pine tar on his helmet, which seemed to start a trend.

At this point, anything new is good for the Mets. Trot could fail horribly, rediscover his 2003 form (.306/.396/.578), or -- most likely -- have no impact whatsoever. But hey, all we gave up for him was "cash considerations or a player to be named later," a.k.a. nada.

But the announcement of the acquisition led to some awesome quotes by Mets players and officials. I can't possibly mock these quotes as well as those guys from Fire Joe Morgan, but I thought I'd post a few here:

Omar Minaya: "Everything that I've heard about the guy is that he's a gamer."

David Wright: "He's a hard-nosed player. He's a guy who's going to go out there and get dirty. He's a guy that plays with a lot of intensity, and I think that's a good thing both on the field and as a clubhouse guy. He's been on a championship team. He knows what it takes to win and he'll go out there and give you something day in and day out."

And here's the real gem, from Pedro Martinez (Trot's ex-teammate): "He looks like a little grouch all the time, but in reality, he's a great person. A good family man."

So:

The Mets need to replace the offensive output they lost when their corner outfielders were revealed as DL whores. The answer, you would think, would be a guy who, like, hits home runs or something. But rather than go for that, we got a guy who is:

• a gamer
• hard-nosed
• dirty
• intense
• a clubhouse guy
• someone who was on a team that won a championship four years ago
  
• going to give you something day in and day out
• grouchy-looking
• a good person
• a family man

But...can he hit? Can he field? Can he run? Is he good at anything that occurs on a baseball field?

I'm not saying I want them to sign Barry Bonds (who sounds like Trot Nixon's archnemesis, if they were in a comic book), but despite Trot's tearing shit up in the minors this year, the guy couldn't even make the big-league roster this spring.

Although, with the Mets playing as sucktastically as they have been, maybe, just maybe, Mr. Pine Tar Family Man could help. Even a little bit.

Oh fuck it, just sign Bonds.

not serious about that