I know, I know, this is blasphemy. At least read all the way through before you tell me how bad I suck.
Beer is a carbonated alcoholic beverage. If you want a carbonated beverage, then you should drink coke or sprite, both of which taste better than beer. If you want an alcoholic beverage, then you should drink whiskey or rum or vodka or you get the idea, all of which have more alcohol content and leave you with less of a hangover. If you need an alcoholic carbonated beverage, then combine the two into something like rum and coke or jack and coke.
Beer tastes like shit. There is no one among us who didn't cringe the first time he or she drank beer because it tastes bad. You're gonig to argue that the first beer we had was most likely a shitty beer, and it probably was, but there is no beer that tastes much better than your average shitty beer. And most of us just continue to drink shitty beer anyway, rather than spend real money on marginally better tasting swill.
I'll speak for myself i saying that I've only gotten sick from drinking when I've had too much beer. Almost all beer, unless you're drinking German beer for some reason (purity law), has various preservatives and so forth in it that just make you sick in abundance when combined with the alcohol. And if you're just trying to get shtfaced, really it's a catch-22 because the alcohol content in beer is so low relative to liquor that you have to drink far more beer to reach that level. (I was tempted to coin a phrase like "TestaBerskaGuiney Threshold", but decided against it.) So then by the time you drink al this beer you have all that carbonation in your gut and you know that ain't helping matters.
And it's not just that I personally don't care for beer. It's that a lot of people get really extra fired up about beer. There are festivals and contests and what not. People spend a lot fo time thinking about what makes a good beer versus what doesn't and it's really just unwarranted in my opinion. If you like beer, then that's fine, but just pick a beer and drink it and wallow in your misery in the corner like a good drunk. I don't need to hear about barley and tannins and what not. If I see the Sam Adams guy in a commercial one more time testing beer and talking about high standards and quality while he walks around his brewery in a lab coat when I know in my heart that Sam Adams tastes like absolute shit then I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. (You know a lot of people, and I mean a lot, will start the "If I see x one more time..." without having a reasonable conclusion in mind, that it's something that really should just be stricken from the lexicon. It seems blatantly inappropriate to set up that whole scenario just to say "...then I don't know what I'm going to do".)
If you see me tonight and I'm drinking beer, I don't want to hear shit from you. I didn't say I hate beer, I just said it's overrated. I still listen to U2 songs, it's just that they're overrated. If you can honestly tell me that there's a discernable difference between Coors Light, Bud Light, Miller Light, Original Bud, MGD, Amstel, Heineken, and whatever else, then I think you're just fooling yourself. I do like Blue Moon, though.
OK, let the mild raping begin.