Thursday, June 14, 2007

Mets Rant

Ok, so I know I have been accused of a little too much Mets focus on this blog. That's a fair point. We didn't start this blog merely to chronicle the Mets (side note: if we had, we would at best be worthy of a bronze; check out, and for solid Mets "e-zines"), but I can't help it . . . I've got to rant.

What the f*ck? I mean, WHAT THE F*CK?!?!?!

The Mets have lost 5 in a row, 9 of 10, and are simply god awful in June.

I blame everyone.

I can't possibly identify everything wrong with the Mets at this point, so I will focus on the few things that are particularly troublesome right now:

1. Delgado. I warned you. I F*CKING warned you . . . Flag Day is today motherf*cker. I know you've had a few big home runs in the last few weeks, but give me a f*cking break. You're supposed to be a hall of famer. Hey a**hole . . . Dallas called, they want their area code back (side note: sigh . . . I hate that I have to explain this one, but here goes: one of the primary area codes in the Dallas area is (214); the humor is in the fact that Delgado -- who f*cking sucks -- is hardly batting better than .214. Hence, he stole the .214 from Dallas, and they want it back).

2. Beltran. F*ck you. I have been so patient with you and that f*cking mole orbiting your left ear. What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you because I don't speak scrub. What? You feel like you are only at 75%? F*ck you. Kiss my a**. Derek Jeter wouldn't miss a game if he had been in Iraq the day before and had his leg blown off by a motherf*cking IED. You need a day off when you stub your toe. P*ssy. How much are we paying you again? F*ck you. Hit one home run before Gemini sets and Cancer rises and we might talk.

3. The Bench. Willie, I have tried. I swear to f*cking G-d I have tried to keep you out of this. But are you kidding me? Are you f*cking kidding me? Here is what we have to offer off of the bench: Ruben Gotay (puke), Ramon Castro (who isn't that bad, but who we never use on the off chance that the game goes 37 innnings and you need a backup catcher; idiot), Julio Franco (the lunacy of Julio Franco being on this team is worthy of its own post, nay, its own blog, but suffice it to say that Father Time is not the answer in a big spot), Carlos Gomez (too easy), and -- wait, is David Newhan really still in the big leagues? Ugh. F*ck them all. There simply must be -- has to be -- a better pinch hitter available than Julio Franco. Someone call Mike Gray.

Look, the Mets have been fortunate. The Braves have been mailing it in for two weeks, and the Phillies, Nats and Marlins are a joke (interesting run out of the Phils, though). The Mets could be 3 or 4 games out of first, rather than 2 games up, given how they have played this month. Fine. Great. If the Mets clinch the division in September and play ball in October, I will be first in line to cheer them on. But this is bullsh*t, and if they aren't careful, they are going to dig a hole out of which they shouldn't have to, or worse, can't, escape.

Oh and by the way: Easley, Green, LoDuca, Wagner, Heilman, Sosa, Feliciano, Sele, Horowitz, that guy who sells beer in section 12 of the Mezzanine, Wilpon, Milledge, El Duque . . . you all suck too.


ChuckJerry said...

Mike Gray reference = +10 blogger points

Writing f*ck instead of fuck = -5 blogger points. Just write fuck.

They need to shape up, I agree, but every team goes through slumps. And the Braves have only gained two games in the time that the Mets have gone 1-9, so it could be much worse.

Having to start Endy Chavez weakened their bench, and then losing Endy Chavez really highlighted the fact that their outfield is in bad shape.

If we're blaming people, let's blame Moises Alou for not being able to get over hit hangnail or whatever he has.

Unless the Phillies catch fire, which is not out of the realm of possibility, the Mets will win the division once they get over this slump, but the offense really needs to turn around soon.

The Notorious LJT said...

hey big guy, take the plunge and write the whole curse word

Open Bar said...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck, look what I can write!

Open Bar said...

And what the fuck is "G-d"? Are you serious? Are y-u?

Side Bar said...

f*ck you guys.

Goldie said...

How 'bout those Yankees? Heh.

Joe said...

How much "we" are paying you? Why is it OK for a Mets fan to say the team-inclusive "we", but not a Yanks fan?