Thursday, November 8, 2007

The Greatest Fart Ever Laid

Open Bar's recent post reminded me of a story.

My first job out of college was in the claims department at a big insurance company.

It was a terribly boring job that basically consisted of walking around and having VPs sign off on things. There was also this one guy who was a real dick to me on the staff.

Anyway, the job sucked and I lasted about three months before I quit but when I quit, I gave two weeks notice - which, by the way, were not the most productive two weeks of my life.

Toward the end of those two weeks, I was coming into work on a Friday after much beer drinking and winging out so I truly had a full tank of gas in me. I walked into the building and soon made my way to the elevator and was the last one to get in before the doors closed.

Now, I worked on something like the nineteenth floor and at about the tenth floor I could feel some percolation, by fifteen, I knew a fart was there and by seventeen I knew it was going to be silent but violent.

I held it just long enough.

Upon the hearing of the 'ding' of my arrival and the doors cracking open - I let it fly - a stealth, putrid stinging mix of beer, chicken wings and hot sauce. I stepped out of the elevator, took about two steps and turned around just in time to see that this elevator full of people had just been hit my noxious scent.

I smiled as I watched the pain and revulsion on their faces coupled with pure disdain in my direction.

The doors closed.



Open Bar said...

Farts are funny.

If you're tempted to tell me to "Grow up" or roll your eyes in disgust when I laugh at my own fart, you are an insufferable killjoy whose "friends" hate you.

Anonymous said...

I laughed out loud. Great anecdote.