Thursday, February 28, 2008

Future employment opportunities for George Bush

In a few months, Our Great Leader George Bush will have to find a new job. Sigh.

With the economy heading into recession, even a resume like his might have trouble landing hits on Monster, so it's vitally important to single out the particular skills and experience he has that a potential employer might desire.

Good news for the prez, though -- a company in Utah seems right up his alley:
A supervisor at a motivational coaching business in Provo is accused of waterboarding an employee in front of his sales team to demonstrate that they should work as hard on sales as the employee had worked to breathe.
Fits. Like. A. Glove.
In a lawsuit filed last month, former Prosper, Inc. salesman Chad Hudgens alleges his managers also allowed the supervisor to draw mustaches on employees' faces, take away their chairs and beat on their desks with a wooden paddle "because it resulted in increased revenues for the company."
Like a former frat boy's wet-dream job.
"At the conclusion of his abusive demonstration, Christopherson told the team that he wanted them to work as hard on making sales as Chad had worked to breathe while he was being waterboarded," the suit alleges.
I used to sell Cutco knives. I was never very good at it, but perhaps I lacked the proper incentives. My bad.
Ellis said no managers have said they saw the activities described in Hudgens' suit, and the employees reported they are "more along the lines of fun."

"It's voluntary, it's humorous, it's team and camaraderie-building," Ellis said.
Upon joining this team, Dubya would probably leap frog the sales associates and immediately find himself in middle management, perhaps developing new motivational stategeries.

I would hate to paint this whole company with such a broad, torture-promoting brush, so I feel obligated to point out that these events may just be the result of "a few bad apples."

Okay, I didn't mean to end on such a downer. So take a look at some poor kid's letter to some girl. I think maybe, juuuust maybe, this kid might've been a nerd.

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