Friday, December 11, 2009

The Jersey Shore, Part 2


I was considering watching a bit of the televised catheter insertion that is "Jersey Shore," but what's the point after seeing the above clip of "star" Snooki getting decked? (By a Queens high school teacher, no less, which by the Associative Property means that Chuck also hits women.)

Having not watched the show at all, I'm already positive this is the best part in its entire run.

Anyway, I guess I'll use this whole incident to discuss one of LJT's favorite activities, as proven by his frequent walks of terror through the living room anytime his sisters were there: hitting chicks. Specifically, when is it okay?

We all know that men aren't EVER supposed to hit women, blah blah. But I think we must make room for a few instances where it's morally acceptable to lay the smack down. Let's give it a shot:


1. If she intentionally assaults your balls. This is really the one that inspired this whole list. At this point, I haven't even come up with a #2, but I really do want to make this clear to women: If it is never okay for a man to hit a woman, then it is never okay for a woman to maliciously go after a man's balls. I think that's fair. I understand that there are accidents, and those are forgivable (to a point). But any intentional or pre-planned attack should be met with severe consequences. In such cases as the one below:

I might even go so far as to recommend something like this as retaliation:

On to the next one...

2. Um, if she won't just shut the fuck up already?

Seriously, I'm not sure this list needs to be longer than one item. I was thinking about including something like "If she cheats on you with your worst enemy," but I figure that's grounds for killing her cat or anonymously emailing her dad a video of her blowing you -- not hitting.

Now, I realize that in the clip at the top, Snooki didn't appear to violate Rule No. 1. However, I still support the guy's retaliation because, well, basically because I hate reality television like you would hate some guy you caught sodomizing your dog with an old shovel, and Snooki is exactly what I hate about it whittled down to its essence. The attention-whoring, vapid, intentionally ridiculous, staggeringly idiotic, not-at-all-real nature of 99.9999 percent of anyone who's ever been on a "Jersey Shore"-like reality show (especially anything on MTV) -- that, if anything, deserves to be clocked in the face.

But if you've got any nominees for the Times It's Okay to Hit a Chick list, pass 'em along.


ChuckJerry said...

I can't think of a reason to hit a chick, but in looking at the short clip at the top of the post I can't help but wonder what the dude in the middle did immediately following the punch.

If you look right at the end it looks like he kindof reacts to getting a glancing blow from the punch, though it's possible that he's trying to pull the guy away from the chick.

ChuckJerry said...

Ok, I have to admit it, I watched Jersey Shore over the weekend. It was fascinating.

What I found most fascinating was that every single person on the show essentially admitted to aspiring to be a douchebag.

And I love the conversations regarding the classlessness of the people they interact with.

Open Bar said...

Apparently MTV has decided to pull the Snooki-getting-punched scene from this week's episode because it was a "crime" or some other weak shit.

I don't get it -- if MTV can punch me in the balls by producing shit like "Jersey Shore," I should get to see its dumbass participants getting smacked around. Not just Snooki, either -- all of them.

Kiss my dick, Situation.