I was considering watching a bit of the televised catheter insertion that is "Jersey Shore," but what's the point after seeing the above clip of "star" Snooki getting decked? (By a Queens high school teacher, no less, which by the Associative Property means that Chuck also hits women.)
Having not watched the show at all, I'm already positive this is the best part in its entire run.
Anyway, I guess I'll use this whole incident to discuss one of LJT's favorite activities, as proven by his frequent walks of terror through the living room anytime his sisters were there: hitting chicks. Specifically, when is it okay?
We all know that men aren't EVER supposed to hit women, blah blah. But I think we must make room for a few instances where it's morally acceptable to lay the smack down. Let's give it a shot:
TIMES WHEN IT'S OKAY TO HIT A CHICK:
1. If she intentionally assaults your balls. This is really the one that inspired this whole list. At this point, I haven't even come up with a #2, but I really do want to make this clear to women: If it is never okay for a man to hit a woman, then it is never okay for a woman to maliciously go after a man's balls. I think that's fair. I understand that there are accidents, and those are forgivable (to a point). But any intentional or pre-planned attack should be met with severe consequences. In such cases as the one below:
I might even go so far as to recommend something like this as retaliation:
On to the next one...
2. Um, if she won't just shut the fuck up already?
Seriously, I'm not sure this list needs to be longer than one item. I was thinking about including something like "If she cheats on you with your worst enemy," but I figure that's grounds for killing her cat or anonymously emailing her dad a video of her blowing you -- not hitting.
Now, I realize that in the clip at the top, Snooki didn't appear to violate Rule No. 1. However, I still support the guy's retaliation because, well, basically because I hate reality television like you would hate some guy you caught sodomizing your dog with an old shovel, and Snooki is exactly what I hate about it whittled down to its essence. The attention-whoring, vapid, intentionally ridiculous, staggeringly idiotic, not-at-all-real nature of 99.9999 percent of anyone who's ever been on a "Jersey Shore"-like reality show (especially anything on MTV) -- that, if anything, deserves to be clocked in the face.
But if you've got any nominees for the Times It's Okay to Hit a Chick list, pass 'em along.