Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Jersey Shore

Unlike the rest of my co-bloggers who have renounced their New Jerseyness, I revel in it.

Some of us are not ashamed of our roots.

On the recommendation of SideBar's brother, "5'10" and Diesel", I started watching the new reality show, "The Jersey Shore".

And, as a former honorary Teaneckian may say, Bro, let me tell you - it is a-dash-mazing.

It is a typical reality show in that they take a bunch of people, stick them in a house and let the drama unfold. In this case, however, this is the trashiest trash that ever trashed.

First of all, the nicknames are tremendous: J-Woww, The Situation and Snooki are all-time-great monikers.

Secondly, these people are unabashed guidos and, yes, guidettes - terms they use with pride.

Finally, they just have the greatest lines ever. "Ham and water", "I don't sell t-shirts, I'm a bar tender. I do great things", "I'm like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I just want to tear their head off", "My abs are so ripped up, it's called "The Situation"", "I'm like the Kim Karashian of Staten Island, baby", "I"ll pound her out", "Everybody loves me....ladies, dogs, cougars...mass appeal" and, of course, "I represent Italians, family, hair gel and tanning".

I have watched all three episodes in the last two days and I think I have to digest this before I can even attempt to recap what has gone on so far in an even remotely succinct manner.

Italians, family, hair gel and tanning - I mean, at the end of the day, what else is there, really?


ChuckJerry said...

I might have to come out of MTV retirement to watch this one.

ChuckJerry said...

By the by, just because I no longer live in New Jersey, doesn't mean I don't still love it. I do love it. With all my heart.

The malls. The white trash. No shopping on Sunday. Turning right to turn left. It brings a tear to my eye.

The Commodore said...

Hi property taxes, calling it the shore when it's really a beach, toll roads, camden, hoboken.

Evan said...

Commodore, what's the difference between a shore and beach? All beaches are technically shores, no?


PS- What's wrong with Hoboken?

The Commodore said...


Beach- the shore of a body of water, especially when sandy or pebbly.

Shore - the land along the edge of an ocean, sea, lake, or river; a coast.

In other words, all beaches are shores, whereas not all shores are beaches. Ergo, that muddy spot over there in Red Hook doesn't count as a beach.

Open Bar said...

"the land along the edge of an ocean, sea, lake, or river; a coast."

Isn't that exactly what the Jersey Shore is? That is the Atlantic Ocean, right? What am I missing here?

Evan said...

So Commodore, why do object to the "Jersey Shore" being placed in the shore category?

The Jersey Shore is a section of New Jersey that meets the above stated criteria for a shore, "the land along the edge of an ocean, sea, lake, or river; a coast." No?

It seems that me that the name fits.

Anonymous said...


I don't think we'll be hearing back much from Commodore.

The Commodore said...

My point is that when you say you want to go to the beach in Jersey, people correct you and tell you that it's the shore. My point is not that it's not technically a shore, but rather why people would call it the shore rather than the beach, as if there is some form of embarrassment about their "beaches."

The Notorious LJT said...

the proper term is go down the shore, not to it.

Evan said...

Commodore, your initial comment was "calling it the shore when it's really a beach." So, you're saying it's not a shore.

But, as you stated,

1) All beaches are shores, as you stated when you said "In other words, all beaches are shores.."
2) So, if you consider NJ Seaside Heights a beach, which is the crux of your argument then...
3) Seaside Heights=NJ Beach, and Beach=Shore, then Seaside Heights= NJ Shore.


ChuckJerry said...

Chain rule, yo.

AG said...

It's definitely the "shore." Also, it's definitely "down" the shore. No one goes "up" to the shore. Ever. Unless you were from Delaware or something. And then you'd probably go to Maryland.

Anonymous said...

... Mister trotter?

In light of Mr. Evan's and Mr. Chuck's comments, Mr. Commodore would like to dismissall charges.

Anonymous said...

And isn't that the transitive property? (a implies b, b implies c so a implies c?)

ChuckJerry said...

It is the transitive property, but for some reason it sounded cooler to say "chain rule, yo" instead of "transitive property, yo". I considered changing it, but decided against it.

Win some, lose some.