Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Barack, Hillary, and aliens

(click on it)

Hay Dios mio!

Well, it looks like Hillary has won Rhode Island (Providence is a shitty city, by the way, don't bother stopping there when you're on your way to someplace better), Ohio (who is dead to me, I mean, come on! Those jobs aren't coming back. And I haven't forgotten 2004, you homophobic pricks. Oh, and the Bengals suck. But not as bad as the Browns. And fuck Ohio State with an Motaba-infected serrated knife to the ear.), and Texas -- although Barack will likely end up with more delegates there.

Maybe it's the two bottles of wine, but I'm feeling exhausted by this whole thing already. It's been exciting and whatnot, no doubt, but it's starting to look like this whole Democratic primary thing is gonna go on for the next three friggin' months:

Wyoming (3/8)
Mississippi (3/11)
Pennsylvania (4/22)
Guam (wait, Guam?)
Indiana (5/8)
North Carolina (5/6), which is a fucking awesome state
West Virginia (5/13)
Kentucky (5/20)
Oregon (5/20)
Montana (6/3)
South Dakota (6/3)
Puerto Rico (6/7)

Just shoot me in the pancreas already. Neither of them can get enough "pledged" delegates to secure the nomination before the convention in Denver, so it's gonna come down to the Superdelegates. Which is a stupid thing. Not that this hasn't been said before, but if Barack has won more states, the popular vote, and more delegates, yet somehow the Superdelegates hand things to Hillary, I think black folks might be a bit upset. And hey Hillary people, good luck winning in November if black people don't bother showing up because they hate you.

And also, now that she's (probably) won both Ohio and Texas, I've been led to believe that the Clinton folks are gonna spout some bullshit about how she won all the "big states" like Texas, Ohio, New York, California, New Jersey (my bad, though I did vote), etc... and somehow that means that she'd be better off against McCain. I reject this on its premise. A pro-Apartheid manatee -- as long as it headlined the Democratic ticket -- would win California and New York and, at minimum, enjoy a huge advantage in the other "big states" she won. So it's not like John McCain is gonna beat Obama there come general-election time, so why is that a huge deal?

I know there are glaring weaknesses in my arguments above, but I'm tired. I've just watched this primary crap for the last seven hours, I'm a bit burned out.

Oh, and the last part. Aliens. I actually really like aliens, I guess. The movie Aliens was excellent. I think it would be cool for everyone if we met some aliens, as long as they were cool and not suck-on-my-face-while-they-gestate-inside-of-me kind of aliens.

But there's one guy out there who hates aliens. And I mean hates aliens. His name is Chad. And here is his story.

[Thanks to for the video and Alien Loves Predator for the comic.]

Oh, and FUCK THE GODDAMN MTA for the new fare hikes, which make absolutely no sense and totally screw over those who regularly ride the subway (New Yorkers) in favor of those who actually might buy a $2 single ride (tourists and dumbasses).

1 comment:

ChuckJerry said...

Fuck, my brain hurts. I was fairly indifferent in this campaign until Clinton started to act desparate. I think it's unavoidable that one day barack is going to wake up to his pet rabbit boiling in a pot.

At this point, I'm not sure if Hillary can win in the general. She really just rubs people the wrong way. I don't even have anything against her, she's just annoying.

Not to mention that barack is going to finish this thing with more wins, delegates, and votes. If he doesn't win the nomination, then the system is fucked.

And don't get me started on Michigan.