Billy Crystal is dead to me

Walt Clyde once met the Giant. Send over the pic!
Oh yeah, and that movie sucked.

As you may have heard, long-time yankee fan Billy Crystal led off in today's spring training matchup with the Pirates.

60-year-old Billy Crystal literally batted in a game against major-league pitcher Paul Maholm. He struck out, of course, but I have to ask WHY? WHY DID HE GET TO DO THIS?

I understand it was his 60th birthday, blah blah blah. But this is some serious nonsense. A publicity stunt? The goddamn yankees need publicity? Really?

He's a big yankee fan, fine, I know. I actually enjoyed 61*, which he directed. He seems to be a genuine fan of baseball, and I particularly love the scene where he and Bruno Kirby (R.I.P.) hit some balls in the batting cage in When Harry Met Sally ("You made a woman meow?").

But there exists an opportunity for non-baseball players to play baseball with their favorite teams. It's called Fantasy Camp. Every team has one (I think). You may remember the old Seinfeld where Kramer goes to yankee Fantasy Camp and gets into a "brouhaha" after plunking Joe Pepitone ("He was crowding the plate!"), which ends with him punching Mickey Mantle in the mouth.

I really don't mean to be a fun-hating anti-yankee jerk about this, but seriously, letting Billy Crystal hit in a real spring training game (that might be an oxymoron, yes) is retarded.

First of all, it's movie-star Billy Crystal, not some Make-a-Wish kid who's about to die. Let Billy Crystal throw out the first pitch or something, sure. Let him lead yankee Stadium in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" during the 7th-inning stretch. Or, even better, get rid of that big-eared jackass who still does "God Bless America" every fucking game because, lest you forget, george steinbrenner and the yankee organization are way more patriotic than you are.

"It's just one at-bat, let it go," you might say. Yes, it is just one at-bat. But to some double-A player trying to make an impression, that one at-bat might make a huge fucking difference. Major League Baseball is a multi-billion dollar organization, and the yanks are the biggest team. Any player in their system has a chance to earn shitloads of dollars, and every one of those players deserves a shot at that far more than some aging has-been comedian multi-millionaire.

Again, the yanks don't need the extra publicity. If you want baseball coming up with offbeat ways to promote itself, the minor league system provides you ample opportunities. And some are quite timely, as well. (No actual hookers? Come on!)

In conclusion, Billy Crystal can suck my farts. Okay, maybe he isn't totally dead to me (he was Miracle Max, after all), but he's certainly mostly dead.