A few more . . .
Isn't Barack Obama super fucking lame for suggesting that Americans check their tire pressure as a means of making our cars more fuel efficient? What an ass. Next thing you know he is going to be telling us to wear seatbelts and watch the trans-fats. This is America, Barry -- the Constitution gives us the right to drive around on half inflated tires whenever we damn well please. Communist.
New York is the only city in the world (that I have ever been to) where you can walk outside and immediately know exactly what month it is by the smell. Unfortunately, August smells like a dead dog crapped in your shoe in the middle of trash rainstorm.
John Edwards recently said in a statement to the media "If you want to beat me up – feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself." What do you say we give it our best shot anyway, dick?
I go to the gym a couple of times a week. Every time I go, there are about five or six gym rats that are always there, without fail. I would often think to myself, "jesus, who are these fucking lunatics who exercise all the god damn time? Get a life." Then one day I realized that whenever I see them at the gym, I am also at the gym, and wondered, "do they think the exact same thing about me?" Probably not.
I cannot stand the fact that the female host of the Today Show (lay off, it's on at the gym in the morning) is contractually required to become best friends with the sweetheart du jour of American gymnastics. This is some 12 year-old girl who has been force-fed hormone suppressants since she was two so that she would remain 4' 3" and 75 lbs., practiced 22.5 hours a day for eleven years, and I have to watch Meredith Viera sit there fawning over how "cute" she is while they drink lattes on the plaza. Fuck that. Somebody get the archers in here.
And speaking of the Olympics, did you see the Opening Ceremonies? Holy crap. The Chinese are not fucking around. I feel like I am playing Risk with someone who has 338 armies on Kamchatka and is just biding their time. They can roll through Western United States and Eastern United States whenever the fuck they feel like it.