- If you did not grow up in or spend a decent amount of time in Teaneck, stop reading. Right now. Go check your email or play Tetris. As far as you are concerned, this will be the single most boring post I have ever submitted to this blog. And yes, that includes this one and this one.
- Let's consider this a first draft, or a nominating committee. Among other things, this list is very Cedar Lane-focused. That is due, of course, to how close I lived to Cedar Lane. I think half of the places on this list are or were within walking distance of my house. That makes a difference, of course, and I will entertain nominations to the final list that have yet to receive proper consideration. I've even left a blank below as a placeholder.
- I also did not go to THS, which puts all food served from a truck, as well as nearby Teaneck Road establishments at a disadvantage. See item 2, above, and we'll take it under advisement. I am sure that I can revise this list with the help of the three other contributors to this blog, not to mention the comments from others.
- Given the number of Teaneck residents who are orthodox Jewish, certain strict dietary restrictions are an integral part of the town dining experience. So noted where applicable.
10. Sammy's Bagels. I know some people liked the old Hot Bagels up on Cedar Lane, and there were some big fans of the bagel place on Teaneck Rd., but Sammy's was an institution, and you could never go wrong there. It's still there, and yes, it's still Kosher for Passover.
Updated - 4.1.09: A lot of people are suggesting that Hot Bagels on Teaneck Rd. should have taken the prize here. And, while I will check with my dad, I seem to remember that for a while he would drive all the way over there to get our bagels, passing a few other bagel stores on the way. If that's the case, I will have to make that change.
9. Pioneer Pizza. A relic of bygone Saturday afternoons, not to mention intimate lunches for 35 (to OB's credit, after 18 years . . . success!). Some may have preferred Victor's (see below), and there might even be a Coliseum fan out there, but two slices of pepperoni and a fountain coke at Pioneer was incredible. Long gone, but hardly forgotten.
8. Wing Out (Vinny O's Buffalo Wings). The time: 2:12 a.m. The place: Vinny O's. The price: 10 cents. LJT and I were recalling the other day that back in 2000-01 we used to go to the bar every Thursday night, stay until 1 or 2 in the morning eating 10 cent wings, and get up to go to work on Friday totally unscathed. Those days are gone. But the memories of those wings linger. It's still there, but if you saw the calendar/place mats from December, then you already know that the only Elijah they are saving a seat for is the one who plays QB for the Giants.
7. Cheese Danish at the Butterflake. Best bakery around, bar none. The cheese danish was my favorite of their many caloric delights, but it was all good. It's still there, and yes, it's still Kosher for Passover.
6. Cheese fries at Cedar Lane Grille. This one has an important qualifier: it has to be after 2:00 a.m. and you have to be drunk. If it is, and you are, melted mozzarella cheese mixed with ketchup and piping hot french fries is as close to nirvana as I need to get. It's still there, but the mix of meat and dairy makes this a no-no for our kosher friends.
5. (intentionally omitted) - this is a placeholder for what I assume will be some nominations for other candidates that I've missed.
Updated - 4.1.09: General Tso's Chicken, Empire Hunan. Glaring oversight on my part. This was a Saturday night special in our family. 5:00 mass, followed by a call to the chinese place next door to the old Blimpie (holla!). We went with the egg rolls, fried dumplings, peanut noodles, and a double order of the General. Always ready in 15 minutes, always hungry 16 minutes later. Kosher for passover: are you kidding, I don't even think this is kosher for Christmas.
4. Italian Hero from Victor's. They lost out on best pizza to Pioneer, but they made an Italian cold cut combo that was dripping with oil, mayo and all sorts of deli goodness. I have not had one of these in at least ten years. I have also not had a heart attack in the last ten years. I cannot see how that could be a coincidence. It's still there, but do your shabbos shopping elsewhere, ok?
3. TBO Fries. If you are questioning the inclusion of fries on this list twice, then you never had TBO fries. Mrs. Brown made some bad ass fries, but I always thought Mrs. Sumler took them to the next level. "Talk to me, TV, talk to me." God that shit almost makes me cry. They are long gone, but never forgotten.
2. Hobo con Queso. This was a serious contender for first place. Hungover on a Saturday morning? Marino, proprietor of the Five Star diner, would fry you up some eggs, melt some cheese on them, and serve the resulting artery buster on a bulkie roll. He'd throw some bacon or sausage on there, too, if you asked. Marino was the kind of guy would would bring trays of iced tea to the bank next door every few hours whenever the the air conditioner broke. No wonder I used to let him in early to do his deposits and get his cash for the weekend. Kosher for passover: you gotta be hobo con kidding me.
You want some Lipitor with that?
1. Bischoff's Ice Cream. An institution for 75 years. Hands down the best ice cream around. This is one of those old-fashioned places that has withstood the test of time, and remains a town-wide favorite. Great ice cream, decent food, and a staff with a disposition worse than Open Bar during prohibition all combine to make this place synonymous with Teaneck. Still there, and there may be some kosher options in the pre-wrapped foods, but nothing off the menu, ok? Someone correct me if I'm wrong and I will revise.
That's it . . . what did I miss?
Wheeeeeeeeere's Luke officially enters its "terrible twos" today. 
Ok listen, I am a nerd. I will happily admit that I am a fan of Star Trek and I enjoy watching the various series and movies. I love the original. I love the Next Generation. I like Voyager. I've seen most of the movies, and I do not begrudge anyone who is a bigger fan than I am. If you want to dress up like a Vulcan and go to conventions, that's cool. If you want to learn to speak fluent Klingon, fucking go for it. If you want to build a replica of Captain Kirk's original captain's chair based on things like the "Starfleet Technical Manual" and the "USS Enterprise Bridge Blueprints", 
I'm hoping by making this initial point, Side Bar will chime in and give a counterpoint as to why he is still watching, and apparently as engaged as ever.
I struggled for a moment trying to decide wether to put this in the overrated category, or just to make an arbitrary post about the book, but since my general conclusion was that the book is fairly overrated, I decided to use the pre-existing theme of the blog. I read this book last week, which also speaks to the lack of posting for those few days, for several reasons. Obviously it's highly regarded, so I figured it would be good. Also I'm into the classics, and this seemed like one of them. It's also just a good pop culture reference and I take my pop culture responsibilities seriously. 
Hyberbole? Sure, but it's pretty damn close.
First of all, when I watch Scarface, what I find myself thinking is, "What freaking coke-head wrote this movie?" The answer, of course, is Oliver Stone, who was, in fact, a coke-head when he was writing this movie. The respective notions that this movie is a classic, is groundbreaking, is timeless, or is even inherently watchable are all ludicrous. Scarface does transpire in a frenetic, cokeheaded sort of way, but under the surface the movie is really formulaic, doesn't particularly explore any of its themes, and doesn't really resolve anything in a way that makes any sense at all. To say that this movie is a tragedy is an understatement, but just because everyone dies in the end doesn't mean you made some sort of grand statement about life.
Also a lot of the movie is pretty silly. I mean, the scene with Michelle Pfeiffer and Al Pacino dancing in the night club is just ridiculous. Michelle Pfeiffer is waving her arms all over the place like a wounded chicken. Al Pacino can't dance to save his life. I mean, he's supposed to be Cuban. And Michelle Pfeiffer does not play a very convincing cokehead. Just because you thumb your nose at the beginning of a scene doesn't mean you're a fiend. 
And what was the whole deal with the subplot about Tony's unnatural incestuous fascination with his sister? If you're gonna put that in the movie, then at least explain it. All they did here was that every time Tony's sister was on the screen they would show a close up of his eyes and play some high pitched synthesizer music. And from that we are supposed to infer every aspect of their relationship past and present. And the same is true for most of the themes in this movie. No words, no exposition, no flashbacks, just synthesizer music.
I can't help myself. I know it's wrong, but there's something I really love about Manny Ramirez. I know he quit on the Red Sox. I know he likes to beat up 65 year old dudes. It's just that...well, I can't explain it. I think what I like most about him is that he genuinely doesn't give a fuck. About anything, it seems. I imagine that Manny Ramirez is a lot like Forrest Gump or a caveman or some such thing. At any given point in his head he's just thinking things like, "See ball. Hit ball." or "Food good. Eat food." or "Long hair cool. Grow hair long." Plus, I still contend that he 
So one day he was in the room when I was talking with someone else about baseball. Somehow Manny came up and that got him started. Here's his story: "I used to work at Goerge Washington High School (in Washington Heights. Manny's alma mater). And I really liked baseball, so I used to go to a lot of their games. One game, I was behind the backstop and I could see all the catcher's signs. So I started yelling out what pitch was coming. I'd go 'fastball' or 'curveball' on every pitch. After the game some people from the other team started chasing me and were going to beat me up. I ran all over and somehow got away from them (I forget the details here). Another time there was a playoff game and the other team was really good, so they had some scouts there watching the game. I started talking to a couple of them and they said they were there to see guys from the other team. Eventually I started talking to the scout from the Cleveland Indians and I said to him, 'You know we have this guy on our team, Manny Ramirez, who's pretty good. I think you should take a look at him.' He had never even heard of Manny before, but wouldn't you know a few months later he gets drafted by the Indians. And the guy had never even heard of him."
I saw yesterday that Nomar Garciaparra signed a one year deal with the Oakland A's a couple days ago.
We'll put him on the list with Grant Hill, Bill Walton, Larry Johnson and Anfernee Hardaway of gies who would have been legendary but for nagging and unusual injuries. Side note: as I understand, Bill Walton, in the one season he was healthy, dominated the league and led the Trailblazers to a championship nearly single handedly. He was also the guy who allowed UCLA to continue its dominance in the 1970s under John Wooden. On a different list is gies like Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry who would have been hall of famers except that they self destructed. Bill Walton impression: "It's a shame that Nomar had that freak wrist injury. He was never the same after that. He'll go down in history as the guy with the most talent who got a bad break and had it taken away from him along with guys like Grant Hill, Anfernee Hardaway, Larry Johnson, Demar Bonnemere, Scooter Baskin, and myself."